The Big Splash... er, "Bash"

Every year, coincidentally the week of Sterling and Jim's birthdays, Carolina Brewing Company hosts an event called the Big Bash.  It's a bike ride / fundraiser for MS, and admission gets you all the beer you can drink, plus BBQ and bunch of other munchies.  There's live music, a clown, just a fun day!  This year was also fun, although much less crowded than in the past because it rained cats and dogs!  Oh yeah, and it was friggin' cold!  A cold front blew in, and although short sleeves and shorts were fine when we grabbed breakfast that morning, by the time we got down there, jackets were in order, yet in short supply!  

After chowing down, we hung around inside, had a few brews, and James vibrated in place, as is his wont.  He did get, count them, FOUR balloon animals from the clown, who was quite amused by James (that's pretty bad when a clown finds YOU amusing!).  James acquired a bumblebee, a flower, a "wiener cat" ( he insisted it was a cat, although it looked like a dacshund, so he settled on "wiener cat"), and .... beans.  That's right, he asked the clown for beans.  The clown had him repeat this a few times, sure he'd heard him wrong, but no.  James wanted just a long balloon divided into little "beans", which he wore around his neck, just as happy as a clam.  The bumblebee?  Somewhere on the highway around the Cary Parkway exit!

How not to eat a cupcake

Always such nice table manners.

Don't panic, I'm an expert

Well, there wasn't much on the agenda yesterday, so the boys decided to go to the zoo.  It was a quick 1.5 hr ride in the boomiata and apparently they had an awesome time!  Throughout the park, they often have little kiosks where zoo employees have random animal ... stuff... to look at, and to use to explain things to kids.  Sterling and James happened upon a guy who had fake snakes that kids could touch and check out, and he asked James if he knew about snakes.  Naturally, James replied, "Oh yes, I'm a snake expert".  When the guy tested that by pointing to one in particular, James accurately confirmed that it was a rattlesnake (lucky guess!).  The guy pointed to another spot on the table where a fly had just landed near a different fake snake, and James said, "Oh, that's a fly... I'm a bug expert, too".

Confidence?  Not a problem.

What's the report?

Each day James gets a report card that explains everything they had scheduled for the day, and whether or not he participated.  I like to read through it, and chat about it on the way home or over dinner, prompting him with, "Oh, did you guys do x today?  Who did that with you?  How was it?", and so on.

I asked him about 2 or 3 things that it said he'd done, and he said he hadn't done that.  I asked if he was sure, and he looked over at the paper and said, "what does it say?".  "Don't you *know* if you did it?  It *says* you did!", "I don't remember".  He can remember the color of someone's shirt from a year ago, but he can't tell me what he did in school today... is it a boy thing?

Thinker of Random Thoughts

Most of you know of the struggles we've been having at school (too much energy, not enough restraint).  Just about every day I check in with the teachers to see how the day went, and we were chatting yesterday about a bad day he'd had the previous week.  One of his teachers said, "I just don't get it, he's really bright, and he knows so many random things that other kids don't".  I asked for an example, and she thought about it, and then said, "ya know, last week, he told us what gutters were.. he said they kept the rain from dripping down house, and you had to keep them clean, and the other kids were like, 'what's a gutter?'".

I told Sterling this, and his response was, "damned straight he knows what a gutter is!  that's man work, that's what we do when we hang out, and if he didn't know what one was now, he'd damn sure know by the time he got to high school, 'cause he's the one who'll be cleaning 'em out!".  Speak your mind, Daddy.

No idea...

Sometimes a guy just likes to floss in the dark... wearing a miner's lamp.  You know how it is.

The garden, she is done!

Oh, my aching back!  (or as James used to say, "oh, my anchor back").  After many weeks of slogging through red mud, roots, and rocks (and stumps, which we pulled out with the Jeep, which ROCKED!!!!), we're DONE!

Our neighbor Miss Wendy, was gracious enough to provide the land in return for the labor, and now we have a garden between us!  Don't mind the mud, Sterling will soon be producing a beautiful, lush green lawn in it's place!

Happy Mother's Day!

Ok, so today was not Mother's Day, but it sure felt like it!  Sterling is away with the boys for a slumber party, and it was just me and the boy today.  We started the day off picking strawberries at Page Farms (an entire beach bucket for just under 8 bucks!), and they were some of the best strawberries you've ever tasted!  Then we stopped by a super-cute nursery along Leesville and picked up some marigolds and veggie plants for our garden (pics tomorrow!).  Then home to plant in the INSANE humidity.. but the garden looks faboo!  And James was such a helper!

In we came to cool down and slice / freeze some strawberries and have some lunch.  A little running around, and we finally wound down the day doing crafts.  James got hold of his pirate treasure map stickers, and decided that I needed some booty for Mother's Day.  He spent about 30 mins decorating me with jewelry and gold coins (as well as shovels and 'x's.. they mark the spot), "because I love you!".  Each sticker was followed with a little pat on the back, smooth on the shoulder.  I felt like I was being wooed!  He went to bed with no arguments, having requested Mars Needs Moms for tonight's reading selection (always guarantees that I choke up!) in honor of Mother's Day!  I was about to leave after our snuggle when he sat up and looked around.  I said, "what are you looking for?", "I'm just making sure you don't leave any stickers on my bed".

Happy Mother's Day Moms!

(that's alot o' strawberries, eh?)

I failed to mention that some of the strawberries did not actually make it home, we chowed down in the car!  Some of them stayed in the car, and this becomes very relevant... about.. now.

This morning my iPhone died, and we needed to run out to have it looked it.  I assumed this would be the AT&T store where I bought it, so that's where we headed.  Unbeknownst to me, James still had 2 strawberries in his cupholder.  He started on one, and then FELL ASLEEP.  With the half-eaten strawberry in his lap, with his hand resting on top of it.  So we finally got to North Hills (where nobody else looks like they're wearing their lunch), and I go to get him and notice the berry.. and the enormous crotch splotch.  I clean him up with a wet wipe (his hand was stained red), and he starts to wake up and reaches for me to carry him.  So I do for about half the distance to the elevator, and when I put him, I realize the crotch splotch has shared the love by whelping a boob blotch.  Yes, I now have a big purply-red splotch right under the beebo, and my son is walking along beside me looking like he's had an accident and is peeing blood.  And they couldn't even fix it there!!!!  *sigh*

... again... could you see this happening to Sterling?  me neither.

Komen 5K Race for the Cure

Folks, I am lacing up my sneaks for another year of the Komen 5K!  If you're so inclined to make a donation, you can do so at the link below.  If you've never been, there's still time to sign up, it is an AMAZING event!  Even if you can't make it, you probably know someone (or will someday) who's had breast cancer, and I would appreciate any donation you can swing their way!  Thanks!

Click here to visit my personal page.
If the text above does not appear as a clickable link, you can visit the web address:
http://race.komennctriangle.org/site/TR/Race/General?px=1273245&pg=personal&fr_id=1070&et=YSp_S7p7CpnHkpTjukBHfQ..&s_tafId=14310

Spring has SPRUNG!

If you know me, you know that Fall is normally my favorite time of year... unless it's Spring!  Man, this weather has been AMAZING!  It's been in the 90s here for the last several days, although it's still too early for the humidity that comes with those temps later in the year, so it's just been fan-damn-tastic!  We've been doing yardwork, hanging out in the yard, all of the neighbors are out walking around and stopping by to chat, it just makes me happy!

Saturday night we hung out in the front yard, and Sterling decided the grass (which looks super, honey!) needed some watering.  James decided that he, too, needed some watering... here's a "during" and "after"shot.  Funny how quickly we go from having an AWESOME time, to "I'm c-c-c-cold!".

This week's Jamesisms

I have recently grown woefully neglectful with my updates, but I've got a couple of good ones to share this week.
Those of you who know me know of my "Target problem". I've battled the addiction for years, but it's not one I'll win. Anyhoo, apparently even my son recognizes this. We went to Tarjay yesterday and as we're walking across the parking lot, James informed me, "Mommy, I think they're going to ask you why you're here again". I asked if I go to Target alot, the answer to which was a resounding "YES".
Totally different topic.. just a few mins ago I walked into James' room, where he was quietly playing with his hot wheels, sitting on a pair of underwear. I quickly noticed that pair had company.. about a dozen other pairs strewn across the room! I asked wth, and he said, "Mommy, I needed some for when I got dressed this morning, so I left those on the floor for when I get dressed next time". At least he's thinking ahead.
Last, but not least, his new favorite response is "interesting". James, your teacher told me that you didn't participate in circle time today... "Interesting". geez.

Ladies, get your man an iPhone!

Sterling has made the leap and joined the iPhone club!  I convinced him yesterday to let me synch his phone with our Google calendar, and I realized as I asked him that this is a GAME CHANGER, folks!  I have birthdays and MOTHER'S DAY loaded on our calendar, and I can set reminders that automatically get pushed to the device he carries with him every day!  He gets reminders now, 5 days prior, 3 days prior, and the DAY OF that it is his WIFE'S birthday (or Mom's or Dad's).  Ladies, I no longer have to remind my husband, it's THERE, all the time!  Can you stand it?  I feel like the smartest girl on the planet!

What did they say?

Just a quick little note about something TOO funny not to blog!  James was going around the house this morning singing, "Who likes the dog sound? Woof, woof, woof, woof" (in lieu of "who let the dogs out")!

Colon Sack? CHING!

Gosh it's been a while since I've posted, hasn't it?  In spite of a pretty major shiner*, we had such an awesome day yesterday!  The weather's been getting nice (downright beayoootiful!), and we've been walking around the neighborhood in the evenings.  There's one road that James especially likes to walk down, for no other reason (I think), than that he thinks the phrase 'dead end" in neat.  He refers to it as Dead End Road.  I tried to teach him that it's also called a Cul-de-sac, and he replied, "a colon sack?".  Uh.. ew, most definitely not.

While we were walking, he introduced me to a new game.. Ching.  When you see a gumball on the ground, you have to stomp your foot in the vicinity of the gumball and should "Ching!".  It's actually kinda fun, and incredibly cute to watch!  I asked him where he got this game, and he told me "it's from in my head".

Oh.. the shiner?  Let's just say it involved James, a roller racer, and the ground.. 'nuf said.

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Not in the face!

Seriously, this stuff NEVER happens to Sterling when he's out with James, I'm not sure why I'm so special.  We popped over to Target on the way home from school today, and naturally, right when we arrive, James needs to make a pitstop.  So we do, and he's in the stall by himself, taking care of business, when he says, "Mommy, I think I peed in my face".  That is not a typo....

The woman who's just finished washing her hands starts to snicker, and I can't help but giggle a bit when I ask for confirmation.  "Mommy, I hit myself in the forehead".  I open the stall, and he's sitting on the toilet.. "James, why are you sitting down?  Are you pooping?"  "No, I wanted to try to pee like a girl".... I wanted to say, "well, you can start by not peeing in your face, because we really don't do that very often".

Always an adventure.... 

"I'm doing LAUNDRY!" - the Tick

Hehehe.. and how appropriate, I just realized he's wearing blue, ala Tick!  James has decided that not only does he not require help, but he can help ME with things.  Not sure how long this will last...I'm guessing either his preteen years, when decides we're morons, or when he breaks his neck, which might be next week, considering HOW he does laundry.  

Arrrrghh... I bowled a 7-10 split, me matey

What an imagination!  We were playing "pirates" this evening, James' bed was the pirate ship, we're both wearing hats, and we've got his playmat standing up against the headboard for the sail.  James says "wait a minute, we need balls", and hops off and starts to grab a bunch of balls.  He climbs back up and start to roll them down the mat, like skeeball.   I asked, "what are, bowling pirates now?", to which he replied, "mommy, pirates need to play, too".

Crackbaby

My son is hooked on the white powdered stuff... sugar.  We FINALLY made the connection quite recently, and realized that his sugar / carb consumption was directly proportional to how much of a spaz he was.  I'm sure you're thinking, "well, DUH!", but not so fast!  If you know my child, you know that he is a calorie burner from day 1.  His energy levels are Off and WAY ON.  So even though we started to get the stink eye when we picked him up from school (what did he do today?), we didn't quite *get* it until recently...and then we finally figured it out.. he's hooked on sugar.

I think it started when we were all sick, and spent about a week just barely existing (little too dramatic?).  What do you eat when you're sick? Toast, oatmeal, juice, crackers... carbey starches.  It was this fateful combination that we believe started him down the path to his addiction.  

Our first clue was about 2 weeks ago, when he snuck a HALF A BOX of Thin Mints out of the pantry and ate them ALL ( how he didn't barf up the whole lot of 'em is beyond me)!  Then he started sneaking all kinds of stuff, including the friggin' snacks at school (how embarrassing was THAT?).  So we put the child lock BACK on the pantry, and for the first few days, he would actually throw a fit trying to get in there!  He actually went through a mini-withdrawal!  He was PISSED that he no longer had access to sneak stuff out!  He used to be able to help himself to healthy snacks that we kept in there for him, but when you bypass those to climb up the shelves to steal cookies, you forfeit your access!

But we're on the back end now...the little monkey is on the twee version of the Adkin's diet!  Basically, just no plain ol' crappy carbs w/out fiber, plenty of protein to balance it out, that kind of deal.. and he's like a new kid!  No more sugar crashes and buzzes.  It's so nice to have my little man back, and I'm looking forward to no more stink eye at school!

Some people sing in the shower....

Can ya tell what song it is?

No Hablo Inglés

Grrrr... that boy is infuriating!  He can go from sugar to shinola in like 2 seconds flat.  This afternoon he yelled at Daddy (I know!), and was sent to his room.  His new thing is that he tries to aplogize his way out of stuff, without really *getting* that he was naughty.. he just thinks that sorry puts it all behind you, regardless of whether you actually *feel* sorry!

So I tried to explain to him how you can be good, good, good, and then throw a bit fit or act very naughty, and it undoes all of the good.. people just remember the naughty.  We talked for a bit, and then I asked, "James, do you understand?  Can you tell me what we just talked about?".  He said, "Mommy, let me ask my brain", and then he proceeds to HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH HIMSELF (well... his brain, to be specific), and it goes something like this:

James:  Brain, did you hear that?

Brain:  No, I didn't hear anything

James (to me, now):  Mommy, my brain didn't hear you... wait.. now my brain is having Spanish.... my brain is busy.

Dios Mio.

Snow day!

Ol' Man Winter dumped a few inches of the white stuff on us last night and we woke up to this:

So for the first time since he was born, I actually got to play in the snow with my son!  Every other time it's snowed here (which has been about 2 or 3 since he was born, tops), I've been out of town for work!  So it was great to play in the snow as a family, and as you can see, James had a good time!

That's his Daddy's sleigh he's on.. the manufacture date is on the bottom... 1973!!  Oh yeah, and we totally ate the yellow snow....

Hehehehe... just kidding, it's SNOW CREAM!  Mmmmmm.  So perfect morning, and now Little Mr. Grumpy is crying his eyes out because Daddy had the nerve to try to brush his hair.. looks like the snow tired somebody out more than they realized!

Evil Genius

What a sneaky little sh!t that boy is.  James came up to me while I was straightening up the house, and said, "Mommy, I can't find the paper towels..".  YIKES!  "Why do you need paper towels, James?", I asked, "to clean up my mess... I got bubbles on my hands".  It had been a crummy day, and he had been playing with bubbles in his room.  Whew, just soapy hands, right?  "James, is it just your hands?"....

".... well... I got a little in my room, too.  There's a mess in my room, Mommy".  

Yes, there was.  Apparently, he got it into his head that it might be cool to dump the bubbles INTO THE HUMIDIFIER!  Granted, perhaps he was going for a homemade bubble blower, which is very cost-effective.. unless you've laid out $30 on a humidifier that may no longer serve its intended purpose!

The humidifier did recover... not sure we will.

Quite the Character

Sterling has gradually weaned himself off of soda by migrating to seltzer water (I know, ick). He loves it, though, and drinks it pretty regularly. James asked him, on the ride home from RR yesterday, "Daddy, why do you drink that Burpy Water?".

Along the lines of darndest sayings, we'd had a VERY rough day about a week or so ago. James and I have both been gradually fighting off a very rotten cold, and it's resulted in alot of grouchiness and bad behavior on his part. While we were snuggling a bit before bed, I said, "James, I'd like to speak to you about how you behaved today", and he replied, "yes, Mommy, let's get to the bottom of this". For real!

Who's really punished?

Mommy's little monster has been acting out lately.  We've had a major case of the crud!  It'd been developing in James and I for about 2 weeks, and last week it hit us full-on.  The week before, when there were hints of an impending cold, James had been rotten in school.  Last week we kept him home (along with me.. in bed for FOUR DAYS!), and he had a steady diet of TV and neglect.  So, no surprise that Friday at school he was a pill...to include hitting, kicking and spitting on someone.  The punishment?  No TV all weekend, and a serious crack-down on manners and behavior. 

So who's really punished by no TV?  I don't like to use it as a babysitter, but when you're home sick all week, there's much else to do. Normally on weekends, he gets his Saturday morning cartoons while Mommy straightens up, does some laundry, etc.  When that goes away... stuff does NOT get done!  What a sucky weekend.

Grrrr

Is there anything that makes you grouchier, when you're already feeling quite grouchy, than someone saying, "Don't be grouchy".

Me, neither.

Penalty for Inappropriate Conduct

Ah, SuperBowl time! Every brand of beer and food product made with transfat is on sale, and people are getting geared up for gameday! The grocery store is no exception.. they have football displays all over the place, and even 4-year olds are not immune to it's lure. James and I were shopping yesterday when he noticed all of the football hoohah and got all excited about the displays... so excited, that he came up and smacked me on the butt! I said, "James Sterling Woodruff, what do you think you're doing?!". As innocently as he possibly could, he replied, "Mommy, that's what the football players do"... initiating a lesson on how Mommies are very different than your football buddies.

It's all in the way you say it

Sometimes it's not what kids say, it's the way they phrase that's so hilarious.  We've been talking about Tornados this week.  James has a book at home and at school about weather, and we're watching a show right now about them.  He just informed us, "Tornado starts with an O on the back".  

Flattery will get me nowhere!

About 2 mths ago, I found a pair of blue Converse One Stars on clearance and bought them for James, in anticipation of him shredding his current pair of sneakers.  Sure enough, he didn't let me down, and his previous pair are falling to pieces.  For some reason, until they got to that point, he was VERY reluctant to even try on the Chucks.  This weekend, however, he got dressed, and he came to me with a little smirk on his face, and asked me to help him put them on.  I was so happy, and I said, "James!  I love these, I'm so glad you're wearing them!!".  He replied, "Mommy, if you tell me I look cool, I'm taking them off".  Uh.. wow.. okaaaay then.  I told him they looked quite nice, and off we went.

Of course, now he's smitten with them and has worn them every day.  

Eye-yi-yi!

Arghck. The holidays are so great, but they're exhausting, aren't they?  And while it was so sad to put away the Christmas decorations, it's somewhat comforting to slip back into a normal routine, albeit one that includes waking up at 6am (which is ROUGH when you've been sleeping in!!!).

Young James is not acclimating well to the return of routine!  He is out of sorts, he's grouchy, and apparently we've (and by "we", I mean "mommy") been a little too lenient over the vacay.  So, we've agreed to institute a strict routine, designed to whip our little soldier back into shape.

That routine includes a very firm time at which we stop whatever we're doing, brush teeth, take a whiz, and go read a book with one of us right before bed.  Last night, James selected "Your Body", which he loves!  It's all about.. you got it, your body, and how it works.  So we get to the page with eyeballs, and I'm pointing out the different parts, we're talking about irises and pupils, and I tell James, "grab your flashlight, Mommy's going to show you something".  So I shine the light near my eye, and show him how the iris closes, and how it works with light.  I always stuggle with how much detail is more than he can absorb, so I explained it like this:  "your pupil is like a little hole inside the iris, and the iris makes that hole smaller or bigger so that not too much or more light can get through"... and I see him mull this over for a sec, then he looks really closely at my eye, and I don't stop him.. until he starts to come at me with his finger!  "It's a hole?"... HEY, don't try to stick your finger in there!  So I had to explain that it's not really a hole, there's not a big hole in the front of our eyeballs, there's like a little windshield over the top, it's not hollow, blah blah..  .. but I know he's still thinking his eyeball is a little hollow ping pong ball with a hole in the front!  Guess we'll be doing some Wikipedia surfing this evening.

Looking back on 2008

What a crappy year.. good riddance!  2008 was kinda suck-o, wasn't it?  We said goodbye to my Grammy Pyne, my Poppa Cooley, and my little Becky.  And of course the economy sucks (not like I was going to retire this year, but still...).  On the plus side, I'm thankful I still HAVE a job!  We did refinance our house and it hasn't lost any value (according to the people who tax us! lol!).  I guess it could have been worse.  

So now I'm feeling reflective (not shiny, more of a I'm-looking-back kinda thing), and here are some of the other things we said goodbye to in 2008 which I will miss...

Things James used to say, but no longer does (they were so cute!)

• Monny for Mommy
• Lightninanclean for Lighting McQueen (now he enunciates the heck out of it!)
• Brefthtest (take a guess)
• Marvels (he started off ok saying "Marbles", then we watched Modern Marvels one night on TV, and he thought they were actually called "marvels".  When we corrected him, he then thought the TV show as Modern Marbles.  Now he makes sure to specify Mar-BUHLS, and if you don't put the proper emphasis on that last syllable the way he does, you're the one who's wrong)

Things he still says, but it won't be long before we miss them, too...

• You're wercome
• Hear me or See me
• Christmas socks (stockings)
• Samansa (his cousin, Samantha)
• Petey Wetey
• Crubbly
• RoRoRapids
• Mumber (number)

Year-end Pocket Tally

I decided mid-year, after discovering many a hidden gem in Mr. James laundry, that I would start an experiment. I started to keep a little stash of whatever non-laundry items found their way into his laundry.  Here are the results:

A feather, a sticker, 2 rocks, a pom pom, and $1.26.  What you don't see is the gum I rescued, pre-wash, when James thankfully informed me that he had put his gum in his pocket for safekeeping but couldn't get it back out.   Thank goodness I was able to get it out, and that he missed it before he got undressed that day!  It's just a matter of time before I find a slingshot and a live frog.

Home Improvement!

Holy crap I'm tired!  So finally, FINALLY, the bathroom is done!  You may recall that I recently redid our master bath, and stupidly, was feeling quite cocky after that and took on James' bathroom.  Which.. granted, really needed it!  And as is par for the course, I neglected to take a "before" shot of my work, so you can't even really appreciate it.. you can however, acknowledge it's fabulousity.  

Tally of the work:  stripped wallpaper, primed, painted, stripped and regrouted floor tile, stripped POPCORN FRICKIN' CEILING and redid IT, painted dark wooden cabinets, replaced all hardware.  Oh yes, and I added quarter-round moulding around the cabinet base, and yes, thank you, it DOES look terrific!  This also involved removing the toilet for the majority of the work.

And here it is, baby...

Are you enjoying that I neglected to empty the trashcan before taking these pictures, and that I left that grotty old stool in there?  If you look veeeery closely, you might be able to make out the toothpaste blob that I also neglected to clean from the leg of said stool.. hey, that's just how we roll!

And what's this last picture?  It's the difference between a nice new smooth ceiling and the crappy old popcorn ceiling that's still in the hallway.  It's my only Before/After shot!

James first letter to Santa

Sweet boy!  Right before we left for GWL on Saturday, James wrote his first letter to Santa.  He decided that his little Christmas tree in his room was "getting kinda old", so he wanted a new one.. so that's what he asked Santa for.  Since then, we've convinced him that maybe he just needs a few new ornaments to spruce it up (haha.. spruce).  Sooo... he's got some little ornaments in his advent calendar, and seems to be happy as a lark.  Check out his first letter...

The space between

Before I go to far into this, let me first point out that my husband is a very polite pee-er.  He's not one of those guys who misses the toilet, leaves the seat up, or walks away and leaves an empty role.  If you know him, you know that he's neat as a pin, which is what makes this sooo funny!

He told me last night that he'd gone into our bathroom to answer the call, and as he was finishing up he noticed that there was pee everywhere, on the side of the toilet, the floor, and ALOT on the back of the seat.  He thought, "holy cow, did I completely miss?  That's not like me".. then he remembered that there was another stand-up pee-er in the house who was more likely suspect.  He asked James if he'd used our bathroom recently, which he acknowledged.  Then he asked if he knew why it was such a mess, and James replied, "I was trying to go in between". What?  He asked James to show him what he meant... and he meant this:

That's right!  Just peeing into the bowl wasn't exciting enough, he needed a better target!  So Mom, when Geoffrey used to do all of those stupid stupid things when we were little that just used to make you tear your hair out, you can console yourself with this.. that's just boys.

More on the weirdness of boys...

Let me share a little of my evening with you, as I feel it gives you insight into our normal, everyday lives... the lives of the parents of a nutbar! So we're all downstairs, enjoying a fire in the fireplace, I'm eating a late dinner (Sterling and James have already eaten), and Sterling's sitting with me, watching the news. James is playing upstairs, but every few minutes he asks us if we want to see his orange crabby patty. I'm going to divert briefly and point out that he really enjoys pretending that he's in the food industry.. he likes to set up little stands out of boxes, chairs, whatever is handy, and pretend to sell you Krabby Patties, Ice Cream, or Lemonade! So nothing too out of the ordinary. I decide to humor him, and I say, sure I'll check out his Krabby Patty. Well.. it was a somewhat real patty.. of cheese. Cheese that I thought he'd been snacking on, but in reality, he'd smashed it to his bench in his room, rolled over it with the paint roller (we're painting the bathroom), and THEN, just for good measure, SAT ON IT! He still had little pieces of cheddar stuck to his bum. Off came the pants, I sent him for a spatula, so of course Sterling wanted to know why and accompanied James back upstairs with the spatula to see what all the fuss was about. Cheese got scraped, boy got handed pants, Mommy stalked out of the room, back downstairs.
Naturally, I assumed he would don those pants. That's what happens when you assume... about 5 mins later we heard the Stomps of Frustration, followed by "Mommy, can you help me?". He comes downstairs and peeks his head around the corner, as if hiding his bottom half. When we ask him to step into the room, he does, and what he's been struggling with is that his shirt was stuck, and he had one arm out, the other still in, and no pants. So he popped his head around the corner initially as if to hide that fact, giving no thought to the fact that our front door was open to just the glass storm door, and he was pretty much mooning anyone who walked past. Off came the shirt, and a very naked boy went back upstairs, presumably to put on pjs.
Not so fast! About 20 mins later, I decided it was time for a bath and went upstairs to start it.. I peeked in on him, and he'd been playing for the last 20 mins au natural. What is it with boys and the nude? THEN (seriously, can you believe it keeps going?) he decides he's going to be funny and starts walking around with stuff held in front of his bits, like the christmas tree pillow his honey made years ago (sorry Honey!), saying "look, Mommy, I put on my pajamas!", then it was his pillow from his bed, and basically whatever else he could get his hands on. He's not naughty, per se, but boy is he busy.

Oh yes, also, I had my annual check-up today with the Dr. who delivered James, and she always asks about him. I told him this, and that she was the first person to ever see him! I said, "I told her that you are so smart and just awesome!", and he chimed in, "and, don't forget, I have a good imagination!". Yes, he sure does.

More bedtime chuckles

Man, that boy is manipulative with a capital M!  So after the bedtime story, he BEGGED me to snuggle with him.  I pointed out that I'd been snuggling with him for the last 10 minutes, and he said, "that's not snuggling, that's telling me a story.. I want you to snuggle".  I said, James, no, I *did* snuggle with you.  He then began to plead, "Pleeeeeease, Mommy?  Por Favor?  Please?  Please, Por Favor?"... seriously, bilingual begging!  Not only is he using his manners, he's doing so in two languages, and there's no WAY I can turn that down.  Stinker.

The Great Storyteller

Wow, that boy has some imagination.  I forgot about blogging this first story until tonight when I heard another one.  We often tell James the bedtime story of James and the Three Bears, which he loves.  Well, a few nights ago, *he* wanted to tell *me* the story.  He did a pretty decent job of it, too, but the best part was that in between the bowls of oatmeal and taking a nap in the bears' beds, he worked in James taking a sip from their water bowl... and I quote: ".. and then he turned over the bowl, and there was a triangle on it, with arrows, so that meant he had to recycle it!".  Then, without missing a beat, he went right into the "and then he tried out the first bed" part.  

Tonight he told me another story, only this one was even more imaginative.  It involved an egg, walking through the forest, if you can believe that (why do all fairy tales involve a forest?).  Well, the egg came upon a bear, who wanted to EAT it!  So the egg turned into eggnog, and the bear didn't know what to do!  Then it turned BACK into an egg, and the bear took it back to his house, where his room was messy.  So, the Daddy Bear cleaned his room, then watched the news (is the Daddy Bear based on anyone we know?).  Then there was more eggnog involved somehow... I could almost swear that some actual eggnog went into the making of this story if I didn't consider the source!    His little tale wound around and around, and ended with a "was that good, Mommy?".  How could you say no to that?

Happy Turkey Day!

What a nice thanksgiving we had! Mark and Dominic hosted at their house, we had good food and a good time. I love the holidays!

Cold weather, hot chocolate!

James does love his hot chocolate! We made it a point to pick up some mini marshmallows last time we went to the grocery store because we knew it would be getting chilly! Here's what he thinks of it:

Woodruff's unabridged dictionary

In addition to just becoming so much more grown-up, having his own opinions, wanting to do things "all by muhsef!", James is also developing his own language.  Here are some of my favorite words he's created:

"Petey Weetey" - this means very small.  He's also told me, "Sometimes I say Petey Weetey, sometimes I say Peeny Weeny"... so whatever you're in the mood for, there's a spelling to suit it.

"Crubbly" is the other funny one, it means all crooked and crazy.  So our driveway, for example, is all crubbly.  If you drew a picture and your lines were not very straight, they would be crubbly.

LOL!

Happy Halloween!

What a fun Halloween we had!  It started out a little rocky... I went to school to see James in his costume parade, and he was just not interested in wearing it, or in Mommy leaving!  He warmed up to the idea of finishing up the schoolday, although still refused to wear his costume.

... until that night!  Still refused to wear the matching hat, oh well.  I at least got a good picture.  Mind you, not because he was feeling photogenic.. at least once he said (in a VERY sassy voice, I might add), "Mommy!  Stop taking pictures, I'm trying to Trick or Treat.  That's enough".  4 going on 13.

Also, everwhere he went, those little spider arms just bobbled around, and it was so darned cute, so I have to be forgiven for wanting photos.  By the end of about 2 blocks, he asked "Mommy, can we just go back to my house now?  I'm tired".  He had to switch arms, because his candy pail was getting heavy.  I offered to carry it, but he must have been afraid for his loot, because in spite of looking like his arm was going to fall off, he was VERY reluctant to even hear the offer!

The finer points of conversation

It must be nice to be a four year old.. everything's so simple...

M: So James, why did you get a time out today?

J: I didn't listen

M: What did you teacher tell you to do?

J: She said to listen

M: Listen to what?  Did she ask you to do something?

J: Yes, but I didn't, so I got a timeout

M: What did she ask you to do?

J: To listen.

So I go from hours on end of extremely complicated discussions at work on our billing metrics, costs and revenue, software licensing terms, and on and on... followed up by this.  It's like driving 60 miles and hour and then screeeeeching to a halt!

... but I kinda don't mind.  :-)

What's YOUR favorite moon?

Next time you see James, ask him what his favorite moon is.  Chances are, he'll tell you that it'sMimas, and then he'll dissolve into laughter. We were looking through one of his favorite space books the other night, What's Out There, before bed.  He wanted to skip ahead to Saturn, so we did, and when we got to Saturn's moons, he was absolutely tickled by the name "Mimas".  He is so enamored of it that we added a little Mimas to his ceiling, right next to Saturn.  So again, I implore you.. ask him about it... you'll definitely be entertained.

Nobody's good at everything

Man, either I'm doing good at work but behind on EVERYTHING around the house, or I'm catching up a bit at home, but them swamped at work!  There's no middle ground.. which explains why I found pics on my camera when I downloaded this weekend, that are about a month old, maybe more!  My parents brought my niece, Samantha, over to visit a few weeks ago.  James and Samantha LOVE each other.. they could pal around for hours on end, and often do.  Well, 0n this day, they did, and when it was time to go, Mom and Dad started to get their stuff together while James and Samantha ate up more time playing with squirt guns.  Well, then they decided it would be funny to stand in the bucket, then to DIP THEIR HEADS in the bucket.  By the time Mom and Dad got to the front door, their little passenger was SOAKED, and had to wear some of James' stuff home.  Can you tell if they had a good time?

Pumpkin time!

If you've known me for more than a minute, you know that Fall is my favorite time of year, and I LOVE Halloween!  So I was very excited that we got to go pick out our pumpkins yesterday.  Our family tradition is this:  we find a pumpkin patch (we kinda rotate through a few in our area), Mommy says "Ok, James, pick out a Mommy pumpkin, a Daddy pumpkin, and a James pumpkin".  Daddy gripes about how we don't need a Daddy pumpkin, and James runs to the first pumpkin he encounters and immediately tries to lift it up, oblivious to the fact that he's about to force us into the purchase of a super-ugly pumpkin... you break it, you buy it!

Anyhoo, then we all find our Autumn Spirit (too cheesy?) and we select our family of pumpkins and assorted gourds, and we end up with this:

A good-lookin' boy with his good-lookin' gourds (that's the Daddy and James pumpkin.. the Mommy pumpkin is behind him... Mommy's never in the pictures *sigh*)

BugFest!

Ok, this one's late... we've not had much downtime in the Woodruff household as of late!  Last weekend, we went to Raleigh's annual Bugfest!  It's an all-day deal downtown where they close off Capital square and the streets between it and the Museum, and there are real bugs to touch, bug races, bug-themed games, bug EATS (ew), and all things bugs.  It's very cool, and this is James' third year going.  It was just the two of us, but he had a blast!  He jumped on the jumpy thing, crawled through some inflatable caterpillar (you come out of it's BUTT!!! It's like you're being pooped!), and played the bug-olympics, wining himself a medal.  On the way home, he was kind enough to use my phone to take a picture of his shoes.  Here're some pics *I* took, along with the one he took.

Earth to James, what were you thinking?

So I've mentioned before my serious sympathy for the teachers at school who have recently struck out about 100% of the time when it comes to persuading my son to nap.  At best, we can hope he plays or reads quietly during naptime since he darned sure won't NAP.  To-date, here's what else he does during naptime:

• Colored his toenails with marker
• Colored his blanket and sheet with marker
• Touched his friends ( I guess he wanted some company since he was awake)
• Got his head stuck in a trash can lid

What's that?!?!, you say?  Yes, that last one was yesterday, and just the icing on the cake!  Either he's got some other kid performing diversion techniques, or he's just a fast / sneaky little booger, because somehow, during naptime, he made it over to the trashcan, took the lid off, and put it on his head to be funny (note to self: check out this trashcan lid today.. did it really look that inviting?).  Well, it wasn't funny when it got STUCK.  He freaked out.  His teacher came over to help, couldn't get it off right away, and SHE freaked out.  The other teacher pointed out that he looked a bit like a spaceman, and that calmed him down long enough for them to get it off his head.  

Does this happen to anyone else?  Is there something different we should be doing, or we just appreciate how creative he is?  ... because I think his creativity might give me premature gray hair.

Apple of my i

It's official, I am i-People! I'm the happy owner of an iPhone 3G, and it might just be the coolest thing I have ever owned! My husband has MAJOR gadget envy, and even brought his new phone BACK to the store after playing with mine for about a day! See, here's the thing... it does EVERYTHING! It's a phone, it's an address book, it takes pictures (nice ones, too!), it emails, it's a GPS, and you can download an @$$load of applications on there... including GAMES.. that KIDS like to play!
So now, I don't have to keep extra crayons in my purse, I downloaded a drawing program, and James can doodle ON MY PHONE! Seriously, this is like life-changing technology, right up there with the DVR and GPS.
James' favorite thing is this ridiculous game that none of us can actually win. It involves trying to land a rocket, and his favorite part is when it crashes...here's how happy it makes him:


I have to say, though, it's amazing how comfortable he is with technology. He already knows how to turn it on and off, unlock it, flip between screens, pick out the different games... you'd think you were watching someone who'd owned one from years.. smart little bugger.

I can't say I care for this...

James has recently been throwing around "I don't care about it" quite a bit. We'd been correcting it, letting him know that it was quite rude, but about a week ago I just asking him "why do you keep saying that? do you mean you don't LIKE it?" He concurred, and I pointed out that it's ok to say " I don't care *for* it / that"... that's how you say you don't like it, but it's a little nicer than flat-out saying "I don't like that". So now he throws THAT around all the time. And I have to tell you, I think I prefer "I don't like that". He has this snotty little emphasis when he says it, like "I don't CARE for it!!!" I think I prefer Daddy's approach.. just a thumbs-down and a phhhttt (yes, he taught him that.. on purpose).
The other thing he loves to do is find ways to work the words "poop" and "burp" into the conversation as often as he can. When he burps, he says, "excuse me, burpee", or "thank you, poopy". Even when there is absolutely no way you'd think he could shoehorn in one of those words, he just tacks it onto the end of a sentence. It frustrates the poopy out of us! My only consolation is that Shawn and Anna's little boy, Aiden, also does this. Aiden is honestly one of the most well-mannered, play-by-the-rules little kids I've ever met.. ever! So if Aiden does it, then I guess there's not much WE can do! burpee.

What little boys do on a rainy day

Massachusetts

Oy! How overdue I am with this one! First of all, we had a WONDERFUL time up in Mass.... over a month ago! It's just been a busy, busy year, and I've been a total spaz about not posting. So James LOVES Auntie Janet, and still talks about her and those chipmunks. We had a wonderful visit with the entire family (I still can't believe that April and Sandy jumped in the pool.. we had the entire family in the pool!!! Just like the good old days!). I'd uploaded the pictures about 2 weeks ago, written little blurbs for all 50+ plus pics, and then LOST THEM!!! Damned Shutterfly changed their whole format and it totally screwed me up. Mind you, it's actually quite cool now that I've adjusted.. but MAN! Soooo.. I finally got around to REposting them, and now they are there for your viewing enjoyment... so enjoy!

My, how handsome!

We've been able to coax James into wearing a collared shirt several days over the last few weeks when he goes to school. I guess we'd never actually noticed how often we refer to him as "handsome" when he wears these. He was regaling us with tales of school today, specially about one of his little friends, when he felt the need to point out that he was wearing a "handsome" shirt. "Like mine, except his was blue instead of red". It took a second for us to figure out what he was talking about, but when we realized that he was referring to collared shirts, like his little golf shirts, as "handsome shirts", Sterling nearly shot his drink through his nose!

On a completely unrelated note, I've started an experiment. I'm keeping a cup in the laundry room, and from now until the end of the year, I plan to fill it with whatever odds and ends I find in the washing machine after doing little Mr. Man's wash. So far it contains 2 rocks.

I don't get it...?

4 year old humor escapes us at the moment. We actually had a talk about this during James' nap on the way to Massachusetts. I mentioned that I thought James had a really good sense of humor, and Sterling pointed out that it was actually quite weird and often didn't make any sense. He said, "have you HEARD his jokes? seriously!" This point was underscored this morning while James and I were hanging out over breakfast..
James: Mommy, I have a joke! Why is a telephone on the house?
Mommy: I don't know, why?
James: Wearing sunglasses!!!! ... going to the beach!!
...yeah.. point taken, Daddy.

The weekend cannot get here soon enough!

*SIGH*... it has been a rough couple of weeks... here's the recap, with the latest developments that we've probably not yet shared...
- Food poisoning
- Poup incident, aka "craptastrophy"
- Becky gone :-(
- Cat shaved
- Hole in ceiling
- Drawing on walls
- NEW! James sick (like in throwing up sick, like in "stuck at home while the drywall guys are doing the ceilings!)
- NEW! James splits his lip screwing around after he starts to feel better on his first sick day at home. He was doing his parallel bars routine on the futon and coffee table and slipped... but his face caught him before he hit the floor. He looks like he's been in a bar fight.

Yeah.. it's been a rough patch lately! We decided while the hole was being fixed that we'd just get them to go ahead and do all of the ceilings downstairs.. so they scraped off that nasty popcorn mess and now we have smooth ceilings... and drywall dust in every nook and cranny of the downstairs. It took longer than we thought, and poor Sterling was juggling the sick boy one day, then we both juggled work, sick boy, and drywall guys the next day. We've been woken up every night, we've handled vomit and blood, and damn it, we are SOOO ready for the weekend.

To top it all off, Fractured Prune closed this week... no doughnuts tomorrow (tear, *sniff*).

A wee bit of over-reacting

James obtained yet another splinter (why the hell won't he just put on his damned sandals?!?!),and as usual, FREAKED THE F OUT over the idea of someone messing with it. We have tried everything to get him to calm down...

• "Let me tickle it out", which involves tickling, and every few tickles trying to pry it out with a needle or tweezers... freak out.
• We've tried to double-team, where one of us pins him down while the other tries to get it out.. you would be surprised at how strong 35 pounds of 4yr old can be when determined.
• the Sneak Attack... get him watching TV and try to snag it when it's not paying attention.

None of these work, especially since he normally gets 'em in that middle part of the foot that basically disappears when you curl up your toes.
Well, today he got one on the bottom of his big toe. I found this out when I heard the bloodcurdling screams coming from the living room. I calmed him down, blew his nose, and while he was talking to me, Sterling actually successfully executed the sneak attach, and pinched it out! James, not missing a beat, stopped his sobbing cold and asked "was that it? that little thing?", like it was NO BIG DEAL. Ain't no thang.

With age comes acquired tastes

As many strange things that James likes*, salad is not among them. This weekend we snagged a couple of those little KFC snackers on the way to my mom's, and James noted that there was "salad" on his (really just shredded lettuce, and not even that much). He said, "ew, Mommy, there's salad on here!". I told him it's not alot, and it's actually very good. He said, "what's your number, Mommy?". I asked if he was trying to ask how old I am, he concurred, and I told him. He then informed me, "once I'm 29**, I'll like salad". Very well.

*most 4-yr olds do not like olives, blue cheese, salami, and a whole host of other things that James likes!
** actual age was not available at the time this entry was published.

A note to my son, in the future....

James, James, James. The day will come when you will ask your Mommy and Daddy (or Mom and Dad, as we'll be known then) why there is no money for college. .. and we will submit this for your consideration....
Shocking, you say? What could a sweet little boy have to do with a hole in the ceiling? And what FIEND has framed me by coloring in my own room???

Sooooo... your college fund is going towards repairing the ceiling (no, it's not possible to flush an entire roll of toilet paper down the toilet) and repainting your room.. and the hallway, which was just painted LESS THAN A MONTH AGO!

Happy job hunting!

Best Of....

So I was perusing the old entries in the blog while uploading some recent photos (which I inadvertantly deleted, AFTER editing the descriptions of all them.. thanks for the new frickin' interface, Shutterfly!!!), when I realized a) I am a gifted storyteller, and b) more importantly, there's alot of material that comes with motherhood. I actually laughed myself to tears reading some of the old stuff. Here were some of my favs, and a good chance for you to catch up if you're new to our blog!
October, 2005, "Someday My Prince Will Come"
February, 2006, "What Not To Wear", and "Ain't Gonna Sing No Mo"'
August, 2006 (pretty much the whole month)
February, 2007, "Tiny Bubbles in My Tub"
May, 2007, "Looong Weekend"

Of course, there's tons more, but this is, I feel, a good representation of what we have to offer here at Woodruff Web. Ta ta!

What's the difference?

How do you explain some of the finer differences between boys and girls to a 4 year-old? I love that James appreciates pretty things...he pays people compliments all the time, and I'm ever mindful that I'm not just raising a little person, but that everything we do influences the way he will treat the girls he'll date, and the woman he might someday marry. So I want him to appreciate when ladies look nice, and nice manners, and that girls do special things to try to look pretty. But it's tough to get him to appreciate it without wanting to emulate it.
James "painted" his toenails today during what was supposed to be naptime at school (say a prayer for his teachers.. he seems to be doing without that more and more!). When the teacher's head was turned, James scootched over to the markers and beautified his little piggies. Granted, he chose very manly shades of green and brown, but still.
He was very proud of his feet, which he referred to as "beautiful". I tried to sit down and explain that girls and boys are different, but I'm trying to tread that very fine line between social morees and downright sexism. I guess we can fine-tune as we go. For now, we've settled on: boys can pee standing up, they like hotwheels, and they don't paint their nails. Girls wear dresses, they like princesses and they DO paint their nails. I'm trying to stay away from who has long hair because he's already referred to some Hanson-esque kid in Target as "she"... *sigh*.. it's so hard!
So, I tried to wrap it up, but he has the patience of a gnat, and scampered back to his room before I could close my arguments. When I asked him to come back, he told me, "I'm busy mommy... boys like to play Hotwheels!"
Here's a pic of his artwork (damn it, now I've got "mmmm, Bop" stuck in my head)

Puss in Boots

... that's what we're calling Newkie, aka Mr. Whiskers, because he appears to be wearing boots. "Why's this?", you ask? Well, Mr. Whiskers was the unwilling recipient of what the vet calls "the Lion's Trim".. which means that they shaved our damn cat. No idea how or what happened, but Naked Newkie has fur on his head, tail, legs.. and that's it. He actually slept with us under the covers last night.. I think he was chilly!

Admit it, 99% of you are laughing because you hate our cat anyway.

Kind words warm the heart

I just wanted to take a moment to say Thank You to everyone who's extended their condolences in the last few days. It's been a very rough few days, as everywhere we look in the house, we see something that reminds us of Becky, and it still doesn't quite seem real. Every time I walk in a room, I expect to see her head pop up and her tail to start wagging, and she's just not there. Last night I could hear frogs outside and through the windows they sounded just like a dog snoring! I really miss her alot, and frankly (I know you'll find this surprising), that darling old cat is just not the same comfort to me that Becky was when we lost Moose. You kinda need a another dog to help you get over the loss of a dog.. but not a new one, one who already *gets* you (so no, we don't want another one right now). *sigh*

Bye Bye Becky

Rebecca (Becky) Woodruff
April 25, 1995 - July 9, 2008

What can we say about Becky, Becky, Pain-in-the-necky? She was the biggest love sponge, the most food-motivated, and most mischevious dog I've ever owned. Moose was quirky.. Becky was rotten, but in such a sweet, I'll never stop being a puppy kind of way that you couldn't help but love her to pieces.
The first night I had her, I'd planned to let her sleep in her crate, but she howled that tiny little beagle howl, and I gave in and took off the top. She continued to howl until I put her on the bed by my feet. I watched as that cute little bundle of fur crawled up my legs and tummy like a little sniper, and when she got to my chest, she pounced, landing square on my head! She chewed on my hair until she feel asleep on my head, that was that... she's been spoiled rotten ever since!
Today, she lost the fight, and we sent her on to Doggie Heaven. I can just picture Moose greeting her, saying, "hey, where've you been? I've been looking for someone to play with!", and off they go, chasing rabbits and treats. So that's two very dear, dear friends, who might as well have been our children, to whom we've said goodbye... and I can't remember the last time I cried this much.
Everywhere I look in the house there are reminders. When we lost Moose, we still had a dog in the house so it wasn't as wierd to see doggy stuff, but now I know that there's no one to use it. The biscuit jar with their names on it still sits, half-full, on the counter. The dog bowl has her last unfinished bowl of food. Her bed sits in our bedroom.. I'm not sure when I'm going to be able to bring myself to move it. For the last day and a half, when I've finished a meal, I'm wierded out by not having someone begging for it... who's going to lick the plate when I finish? When I walk in the door, there's no one to desperately greet me. All of the little things that I thought drove my crazy, I miss desperately and would give so much to have back.
My little dog, a heartbeat at my feet.. no more.

photo by James, who very much loved his Becka

Making Poup

Let me start this off by sharing that I have been suffering from food poisoning for the last two days. The last time I was this miserable was back in '05 when we all had the stomach flu. So Tuesday night was when it hit, I was pretty miserable all night and most of Wednesday, and yesterday, thankfully, the queasies had gone away and I was just left with something akin to an all-day migraine. It's a good thing the queasies had moved on, or I doubt I could have dealt with what came next...

So I'm in our bedroom, talking on the phone to my mom while James is down the hall in his bathroom, taking care of business. I'm waiting for the "I'm done", which is my cue to come assist with clean-up. Well, I don't hear "I'm done", but I do hear splashing... which does not bode well. I call out "what are you doing?". "Nothing". Oh boy, we all know how THAT goes. I said, "What was that noise?" "Me". "What are you DOING to MAKE that noise?". Mind you, I am so whipped at this point that I can barely dredge up the energy to go check, but now I'm nervous. I walk down the hall, and immediately tell Mom, "I need to go". Here's the fresh hell that greeted me in the bathroom...

James is standing there with his pants around his ankles. He's holding a bottle of near-empty bubbles in fist slathered in POOP. The rest of the bubble mix is covering half of the bathroom floor, and the toilet.. the TOILET, is just brown water... it's like poop soup, or as Sterling so wittily put it (when he laughed his ass off during the recap hours later, "Poup"). For a moment I had no words, then I gagged, then I stepped back and pulled myself together as best as I could under the circumstances.
I try so hard to never tell my son that he's done something stupid, or that he's a bad person, or anything mean like that. But I lost it, and asked "what were you THINKING??? WHY would you DO THAT? That is HORRIBLE! Oh my GOD what a MESS!", and he replies "we don't say 'Oh, my God". Not the time to correct Mommy. "James Sterling Woodruff, your mommy says whatever the heck she wants when you are covered in poop and have made this big of a MESS!"

At this point, I have to step back into the hall because the sight of the toilet is making me gag again. I reach in with one arm and push him to the sink where I make him wash his hands thoroughly. Then he gets stripped down, and is pushed out in the hallway naked. At this point, I can reach in without looking to flush, and start to wipe up the mess. Have you ever tried to clean up a bottle of bubble mix from a bathroom floor using toilet paper? It's a real joy.

So, it was straight into the tub, and an early night to bed for a very naughty boy, who actually had the nerve after all that to ask if he could watch SpongeBob before bed. Not frickin' likely!

Side note, the toilet was totally gross because he got poop on his hands, and then tried to rinse it off IN the toilet where he'd just pooped.. brilliant.