James first letter to Santa

Sweet boy!  Right before we left for GWL on Saturday, James wrote his first letter to Santa.  He decided that his little Christmas tree in his room was "getting kinda old", so he wanted a new one.. so that's what he asked Santa for.  Since then, we've convinced him that maybe he just needs a few new ornaments to spruce it up (haha.. spruce).  Sooo... he's got some little ornaments in his advent calendar, and seems to be happy as a lark.  Check out his first letter...

The space between

Before I go to far into this, let me first point out that my husband is a very polite pee-er.  He's not one of those guys who misses the toilet, leaves the seat up, or walks away and leaves an empty role.  If you know him, you know that he's neat as a pin, which is what makes this sooo funny!

He told me last night that he'd gone into our bathroom to answer the call, and as he was finishing up he noticed that there was pee everywhere, on the side of the toilet, the floor, and ALOT on the back of the seat.  He thought, "holy cow, did I completely miss?  That's not like me".. then he remembered that there was another stand-up pee-er in the house who was more likely suspect.  He asked James if he'd used our bathroom recently, which he acknowledged.  Then he asked if he knew why it was such a mess, and James replied, "I was trying to go in between". What?  He asked James to show him what he meant... and he meant this:

That's right!  Just peeing into the bowl wasn't exciting enough, he needed a better target!  So Mom, when Geoffrey used to do all of those stupid stupid things when we were little that just used to make you tear your hair out, you can console yourself with this.. that's just boys.

More on the weirdness of boys...

Let me share a little of my evening with you, as I feel it gives you insight into our normal, everyday lives... the lives of the parents of a nutbar! So we're all downstairs, enjoying a fire in the fireplace, I'm eating a late dinner (Sterling and James have already eaten), and Sterling's sitting with me, watching the news. James is playing upstairs, but every few minutes he asks us if we want to see his orange crabby patty. I'm going to divert briefly and point out that he really enjoys pretending that he's in the food industry.. he likes to set up little stands out of boxes, chairs, whatever is handy, and pretend to sell you Krabby Patties, Ice Cream, or Lemonade! So nothing too out of the ordinary. I decide to humor him, and I say, sure I'll check out his Krabby Patty. Well.. it was a somewhat real patty.. of cheese. Cheese that I thought he'd been snacking on, but in reality, he'd smashed it to his bench in his room, rolled over it with the paint roller (we're painting the bathroom), and THEN, just for good measure, SAT ON IT! He still had little pieces of cheddar stuck to his bum. Off came the pants, I sent him for a spatula, so of course Sterling wanted to know why and accompanied James back upstairs with the spatula to see what all the fuss was about. Cheese got scraped, boy got handed pants, Mommy stalked out of the room, back downstairs.
Naturally, I assumed he would don those pants. That's what happens when you assume... about 5 mins later we heard the Stomps of Frustration, followed by "Mommy, can you help me?". He comes downstairs and peeks his head around the corner, as if hiding his bottom half. When we ask him to step into the room, he does, and what he's been struggling with is that his shirt was stuck, and he had one arm out, the other still in, and no pants. So he popped his head around the corner initially as if to hide that fact, giving no thought to the fact that our front door was open to just the glass storm door, and he was pretty much mooning anyone who walked past. Off came the shirt, and a very naked boy went back upstairs, presumably to put on pjs.
Not so fast! About 20 mins later, I decided it was time for a bath and went upstairs to start it.. I peeked in on him, and he'd been playing for the last 20 mins au natural. What is it with boys and the nude? THEN (seriously, can you believe it keeps going?) he decides he's going to be funny and starts walking around with stuff held in front of his bits, like the christmas tree pillow his honey made years ago (sorry Honey!), saying "look, Mommy, I put on my pajamas!", then it was his pillow from his bed, and basically whatever else he could get his hands on. He's not naughty, per se, but boy is he busy.

Oh yes, also, I had my annual check-up today with the Dr. who delivered James, and she always asks about him. I told him this, and that she was the first person to ever see him! I said, "I told her that you are so smart and just awesome!", and he chimed in, "and, don't forget, I have a good imagination!". Yes, he sure does.

More bedtime chuckles

Man, that boy is manipulative with a capital M!  So after the bedtime story, he BEGGED me to snuggle with him.  I pointed out that I'd been snuggling with him for the last 10 minutes, and he said, "that's not snuggling, that's telling me a story.. I want you to snuggle".  I said, James, no, I *did* snuggle with you.  He then began to plead, "Pleeeeeease, Mommy?  Por Favor?  Please?  Please, Por Favor?"... seriously, bilingual begging!  Not only is he using his manners, he's doing so in two languages, and there's no WAY I can turn that down.  Stinker.

The Great Storyteller

Wow, that boy has some imagination.  I forgot about blogging this first story until tonight when I heard another one.  We often tell James the bedtime story of James and the Three Bears, which he loves.  Well, a few nights ago, *he* wanted to tell *me* the story.  He did a pretty decent job of it, too, but the best part was that in between the bowls of oatmeal and taking a nap in the bears' beds, he worked in James taking a sip from their water bowl... and I quote: ".. and then he turned over the bowl, and there was a triangle on it, with arrows, so that meant he had to recycle it!".  Then, without missing a beat, he went right into the "and then he tried out the first bed" part.  

Tonight he told me another story, only this one was even more imaginative.  It involved an egg, walking through the forest, if you can believe that (why do all fairy tales involve a forest?).  Well, the egg came upon a bear, who wanted to EAT it!  So the egg turned into eggnog, and the bear didn't know what to do!  Then it turned BACK into an egg, and the bear took it back to his house, where his room was messy.  So, the Daddy Bear cleaned his room, then watched the news (is the Daddy Bear based on anyone we know?).  Then there was more eggnog involved somehow... I could almost swear that some actual eggnog went into the making of this story if I didn't consider the source!    His little tale wound around and around, and ended with a "was that good, Mommy?".  How could you say no to that?

Happy Turkey Day!

What a nice thanksgiving we had! Mark and Dominic hosted at their house, we had good food and a good time. I love the holidays!

Cold weather, hot chocolate!

James does love his hot chocolate! We made it a point to pick up some mini marshmallows last time we went to the grocery store because we knew it would be getting chilly! Here's what he thinks of it:

Woodruff's unabridged dictionary

In addition to just becoming so much more grown-up, having his own opinions, wanting to do things "all by muhsef!", James is also developing his own language.  Here are some of my favorite words he's created:

"Petey Weetey" - this means very small.  He's also told me, "Sometimes I say Petey Weetey, sometimes I say Peeny Weeny"... so whatever you're in the mood for, there's a spelling to suit it.

"Crubbly" is the other funny one, it means all crooked and crazy.  So our driveway, for example, is all crubbly.  If you drew a picture and your lines were not very straight, they would be crubbly.

LOL!

Happy Halloween!

What a fun Halloween we had!  It started out a little rocky... I went to school to see James in his costume parade, and he was just not interested in wearing it, or in Mommy leaving!  He warmed up to the idea of finishing up the schoolday, although still refused to wear his costume.

... until that night!  Still refused to wear the matching hat, oh well.  I at least got a good picture.  Mind you, not because he was feeling photogenic.. at least once he said (in a VERY sassy voice, I might add), "Mommy!  Stop taking pictures, I'm trying to Trick or Treat.  That's enough".  4 going on 13.

Also, everwhere he went, those little spider arms just bobbled around, and it was so darned cute, so I have to be forgiven for wanting photos.  By the end of about 2 blocks, he asked "Mommy, can we just go back to my house now?  I'm tired".  He had to switch arms, because his candy pail was getting heavy.  I offered to carry it, but he must have been afraid for his loot, because in spite of looking like his arm was going to fall off, he was VERY reluctant to even hear the offer!

The finer points of conversation

It must be nice to be a four year old.. everything's so simple...

M: So James, why did you get a time out today?

J: I didn't listen

M: What did you teacher tell you to do?

J: She said to listen

M: Listen to what?  Did she ask you to do something?

J: Yes, but I didn't, so I got a timeout

M: What did she ask you to do?

J: To listen.

So I go from hours on end of extremely complicated discussions at work on our billing metrics, costs and revenue, software licensing terms, and on and on... followed up by this.  It's like driving 60 miles and hour and then screeeeeching to a halt!

... but I kinda don't mind.  :-)

What's YOUR favorite moon?

Next time you see James, ask him what his favorite moon is.  Chances are, he'll tell you that it'sMimas, and then he'll dissolve into laughter. We were looking through one of his favorite space books the other night, What's Out There, before bed.  He wanted to skip ahead to Saturn, so we did, and when we got to Saturn's moons, he was absolutely tickled by the name "Mimas".  He is so enamored of it that we added a little Mimas to his ceiling, right next to Saturn.  So again, I implore you.. ask him about it... you'll definitely be entertained.

Nobody's good at everything

Man, either I'm doing good at work but behind on EVERYTHING around the house, or I'm catching up a bit at home, but them swamped at work!  There's no middle ground.. which explains why I found pics on my camera when I downloaded this weekend, that are about a month old, maybe more!  My parents brought my niece, Samantha, over to visit a few weeks ago.  James and Samantha LOVE each other.. they could pal around for hours on end, and often do.  Well, 0n this day, they did, and when it was time to go, Mom and Dad started to get their stuff together while James and Samantha ate up more time playing with squirt guns.  Well, then they decided it would be funny to stand in the bucket, then to DIP THEIR HEADS in the bucket.  By the time Mom and Dad got to the front door, their little passenger was SOAKED, and had to wear some of James' stuff home.  Can you tell if they had a good time?

Pumpkin time!

If you've known me for more than a minute, you know that Fall is my favorite time of year, and I LOVE Halloween!  So I was very excited that we got to go pick out our pumpkins yesterday.  Our family tradition is this:  we find a pumpkin patch (we kinda rotate through a few in our area), Mommy says "Ok, James, pick out a Mommy pumpkin, a Daddy pumpkin, and a James pumpkin".  Daddy gripes about how we don't need a Daddy pumpkin, and James runs to the first pumpkin he encounters and immediately tries to lift it up, oblivious to the fact that he's about to force us into the purchase of a super-ugly pumpkin... you break it, you buy it!

Anyhoo, then we all find our Autumn Spirit (too cheesy?) and we select our family of pumpkins and assorted gourds, and we end up with this:

A good-lookin' boy with his good-lookin' gourds (that's the Daddy and James pumpkin.. the Mommy pumpkin is behind him... Mommy's never in the pictures *sigh*)

BugFest!

Ok, this one's late... we've not had much downtime in the Woodruff household as of late!  Last weekend, we went to Raleigh's annual Bugfest!  It's an all-day deal downtown where they close off Capital square and the streets between it and the Museum, and there are real bugs to touch, bug races, bug-themed games, bug EATS (ew), and all things bugs.  It's very cool, and this is James' third year going.  It was just the two of us, but he had a blast!  He jumped on the jumpy thing, crawled through some inflatable caterpillar (you come out of it's BUTT!!! It's like you're being pooped!), and played the bug-olympics, wining himself a medal.  On the way home, he was kind enough to use my phone to take a picture of his shoes.  Here're some pics *I* took, along with the one he took.

Earth to James, what were you thinking?

So I've mentioned before my serious sympathy for the teachers at school who have recently struck out about 100% of the time when it comes to persuading my son to nap.  At best, we can hope he plays or reads quietly during naptime since he darned sure won't NAP.  To-date, here's what else he does during naptime:

• Colored his toenails with marker
• Colored his blanket and sheet with marker
• Touched his friends ( I guess he wanted some company since he was awake)
• Got his head stuck in a trash can lid

What's that?!?!, you say?  Yes, that last one was yesterday, and just the icing on the cake!  Either he's got some other kid performing diversion techniques, or he's just a fast / sneaky little booger, because somehow, during naptime, he made it over to the trashcan, took the lid off, and put it on his head to be funny (note to self: check out this trashcan lid today.. did it really look that inviting?).  Well, it wasn't funny when it got STUCK.  He freaked out.  His teacher came over to help, couldn't get it off right away, and SHE freaked out.  The other teacher pointed out that he looked a bit like a spaceman, and that calmed him down long enough for them to get it off his head.  

Does this happen to anyone else?  Is there something different we should be doing, or we just appreciate how creative he is?  ... because I think his creativity might give me premature gray hair.

Apple of my i

It's official, I am i-People! I'm the happy owner of an iPhone 3G, and it might just be the coolest thing I have ever owned! My husband has MAJOR gadget envy, and even brought his new phone BACK to the store after playing with mine for about a day! See, here's the thing... it does EVERYTHING! It's a phone, it's an address book, it takes pictures (nice ones, too!), it emails, it's a GPS, and you can download an @$$load of applications on there... including GAMES.. that KIDS like to play!
So now, I don't have to keep extra crayons in my purse, I downloaded a drawing program, and James can doodle ON MY PHONE! Seriously, this is like life-changing technology, right up there with the DVR and GPS.
James' favorite thing is this ridiculous game that none of us can actually win. It involves trying to land a rocket, and his favorite part is when it crashes...here's how happy it makes him:


I have to say, though, it's amazing how comfortable he is with technology. He already knows how to turn it on and off, unlock it, flip between screens, pick out the different games... you'd think you were watching someone who'd owned one from years.. smart little bugger.

I can't say I care for this...

James has recently been throwing around "I don't care about it" quite a bit. We'd been correcting it, letting him know that it was quite rude, but about a week ago I just asking him "why do you keep saying that? do you mean you don't LIKE it?" He concurred, and I pointed out that it's ok to say " I don't care *for* it / that"... that's how you say you don't like it, but it's a little nicer than flat-out saying "I don't like that". So now he throws THAT around all the time. And I have to tell you, I think I prefer "I don't like that". He has this snotty little emphasis when he says it, like "I don't CARE for it!!!" I think I prefer Daddy's approach.. just a thumbs-down and a phhhttt (yes, he taught him that.. on purpose).
The other thing he loves to do is find ways to work the words "poop" and "burp" into the conversation as often as he can. When he burps, he says, "excuse me, burpee", or "thank you, poopy". Even when there is absolutely no way you'd think he could shoehorn in one of those words, he just tacks it onto the end of a sentence. It frustrates the poopy out of us! My only consolation is that Shawn and Anna's little boy, Aiden, also does this. Aiden is honestly one of the most well-mannered, play-by-the-rules little kids I've ever met.. ever! So if Aiden does it, then I guess there's not much WE can do! burpee.

What little boys do on a rainy day

Massachusetts

Oy! How overdue I am with this one! First of all, we had a WONDERFUL time up in Mass.... over a month ago! It's just been a busy, busy year, and I've been a total spaz about not posting. So James LOVES Auntie Janet, and still talks about her and those chipmunks. We had a wonderful visit with the entire family (I still can't believe that April and Sandy jumped in the pool.. we had the entire family in the pool!!! Just like the good old days!). I'd uploaded the pictures about 2 weeks ago, written little blurbs for all 50+ plus pics, and then LOST THEM!!! Damned Shutterfly changed their whole format and it totally screwed me up. Mind you, it's actually quite cool now that I've adjusted.. but MAN! Soooo.. I finally got around to REposting them, and now they are there for your viewing enjoyment... so enjoy!

My, how handsome!

We've been able to coax James into wearing a collared shirt several days over the last few weeks when he goes to school. I guess we'd never actually noticed how often we refer to him as "handsome" when he wears these. He was regaling us with tales of school today, specially about one of his little friends, when he felt the need to point out that he was wearing a "handsome" shirt. "Like mine, except his was blue instead of red". It took a second for us to figure out what he was talking about, but when we realized that he was referring to collared shirts, like his little golf shirts, as "handsome shirts", Sterling nearly shot his drink through his nose!

On a completely unrelated note, I've started an experiment. I'm keeping a cup in the laundry room, and from now until the end of the year, I plan to fill it with whatever odds and ends I find in the washing machine after doing little Mr. Man's wash. So far it contains 2 rocks.

I don't get it...?

4 year old humor escapes us at the moment. We actually had a talk about this during James' nap on the way to Massachusetts. I mentioned that I thought James had a really good sense of humor, and Sterling pointed out that it was actually quite weird and often didn't make any sense. He said, "have you HEARD his jokes? seriously!" This point was underscored this morning while James and I were hanging out over breakfast..
James: Mommy, I have a joke! Why is a telephone on the house?
Mommy: I don't know, why?
James: Wearing sunglasses!!!! ... going to the beach!!
...yeah.. point taken, Daddy.

The weekend cannot get here soon enough!

*SIGH*... it has been a rough couple of weeks... here's the recap, with the latest developments that we've probably not yet shared...
- Food poisoning
- Poup incident, aka "craptastrophy"
- Becky gone :-(
- Cat shaved
- Hole in ceiling
- Drawing on walls
- NEW! James sick (like in throwing up sick, like in "stuck at home while the drywall guys are doing the ceilings!)
- NEW! James splits his lip screwing around after he starts to feel better on his first sick day at home. He was doing his parallel bars routine on the futon and coffee table and slipped... but his face caught him before he hit the floor. He looks like he's been in a bar fight.

Yeah.. it's been a rough patch lately! We decided while the hole was being fixed that we'd just get them to go ahead and do all of the ceilings downstairs.. so they scraped off that nasty popcorn mess and now we have smooth ceilings... and drywall dust in every nook and cranny of the downstairs. It took longer than we thought, and poor Sterling was juggling the sick boy one day, then we both juggled work, sick boy, and drywall guys the next day. We've been woken up every night, we've handled vomit and blood, and damn it, we are SOOO ready for the weekend.

To top it all off, Fractured Prune closed this week... no doughnuts tomorrow (tear, *sniff*).

A wee bit of over-reacting

James obtained yet another splinter (why the hell won't he just put on his damned sandals?!?!),and as usual, FREAKED THE F OUT over the idea of someone messing with it. We have tried everything to get him to calm down...

• "Let me tickle it out", which involves tickling, and every few tickles trying to pry it out with a needle or tweezers... freak out.
• We've tried to double-team, where one of us pins him down while the other tries to get it out.. you would be surprised at how strong 35 pounds of 4yr old can be when determined.
• the Sneak Attack... get him watching TV and try to snag it when it's not paying attention.

None of these work, especially since he normally gets 'em in that middle part of the foot that basically disappears when you curl up your toes.
Well, today he got one on the bottom of his big toe. I found this out when I heard the bloodcurdling screams coming from the living room. I calmed him down, blew his nose, and while he was talking to me, Sterling actually successfully executed the sneak attach, and pinched it out! James, not missing a beat, stopped his sobbing cold and asked "was that it? that little thing?", like it was NO BIG DEAL. Ain't no thang.

With age comes acquired tastes

As many strange things that James likes*, salad is not among them. This weekend we snagged a couple of those little KFC snackers on the way to my mom's, and James noted that there was "salad" on his (really just shredded lettuce, and not even that much). He said, "ew, Mommy, there's salad on here!". I told him it's not alot, and it's actually very good. He said, "what's your number, Mommy?". I asked if he was trying to ask how old I am, he concurred, and I told him. He then informed me, "once I'm 29**, I'll like salad". Very well.

*most 4-yr olds do not like olives, blue cheese, salami, and a whole host of other things that James likes!
** actual age was not available at the time this entry was published.

A note to my son, in the future....

James, James, James. The day will come when you will ask your Mommy and Daddy (or Mom and Dad, as we'll be known then) why there is no money for college. .. and we will submit this for your consideration....
Shocking, you say? What could a sweet little boy have to do with a hole in the ceiling? And what FIEND has framed me by coloring in my own room???

Sooooo... your college fund is going towards repairing the ceiling (no, it's not possible to flush an entire roll of toilet paper down the toilet) and repainting your room.. and the hallway, which was just painted LESS THAN A MONTH AGO!

Happy job hunting!

Best Of....

So I was perusing the old entries in the blog while uploading some recent photos (which I inadvertantly deleted, AFTER editing the descriptions of all them.. thanks for the new frickin' interface, Shutterfly!!!), when I realized a) I am a gifted storyteller, and b) more importantly, there's alot of material that comes with motherhood. I actually laughed myself to tears reading some of the old stuff. Here were some of my favs, and a good chance for you to catch up if you're new to our blog!
October, 2005, "Someday My Prince Will Come"
February, 2006, "What Not To Wear", and "Ain't Gonna Sing No Mo"'
August, 2006 (pretty much the whole month)
February, 2007, "Tiny Bubbles in My Tub"
May, 2007, "Looong Weekend"

Of course, there's tons more, but this is, I feel, a good representation of what we have to offer here at Woodruff Web. Ta ta!

What's the difference?

How do you explain some of the finer differences between boys and girls to a 4 year-old? I love that James appreciates pretty things...he pays people compliments all the time, and I'm ever mindful that I'm not just raising a little person, but that everything we do influences the way he will treat the girls he'll date, and the woman he might someday marry. So I want him to appreciate when ladies look nice, and nice manners, and that girls do special things to try to look pretty. But it's tough to get him to appreciate it without wanting to emulate it.
James "painted" his toenails today during what was supposed to be naptime at school (say a prayer for his teachers.. he seems to be doing without that more and more!). When the teacher's head was turned, James scootched over to the markers and beautified his little piggies. Granted, he chose very manly shades of green and brown, but still.
He was very proud of his feet, which he referred to as "beautiful". I tried to sit down and explain that girls and boys are different, but I'm trying to tread that very fine line between social morees and downright sexism. I guess we can fine-tune as we go. For now, we've settled on: boys can pee standing up, they like hotwheels, and they don't paint their nails. Girls wear dresses, they like princesses and they DO paint their nails. I'm trying to stay away from who has long hair because he's already referred to some Hanson-esque kid in Target as "she"... *sigh*.. it's so hard!
So, I tried to wrap it up, but he has the patience of a gnat, and scampered back to his room before I could close my arguments. When I asked him to come back, he told me, "I'm busy mommy... boys like to play Hotwheels!"
Here's a pic of his artwork (damn it, now I've got "mmmm, Bop" stuck in my head)

Puss in Boots

... that's what we're calling Newkie, aka Mr. Whiskers, because he appears to be wearing boots. "Why's this?", you ask? Well, Mr. Whiskers was the unwilling recipient of what the vet calls "the Lion's Trim".. which means that they shaved our damn cat. No idea how or what happened, but Naked Newkie has fur on his head, tail, legs.. and that's it. He actually slept with us under the covers last night.. I think he was chilly!

Admit it, 99% of you are laughing because you hate our cat anyway.

Kind words warm the heart

I just wanted to take a moment to say Thank You to everyone who's extended their condolences in the last few days. It's been a very rough few days, as everywhere we look in the house, we see something that reminds us of Becky, and it still doesn't quite seem real. Every time I walk in a room, I expect to see her head pop up and her tail to start wagging, and she's just not there. Last night I could hear frogs outside and through the windows they sounded just like a dog snoring! I really miss her alot, and frankly (I know you'll find this surprising), that darling old cat is just not the same comfort to me that Becky was when we lost Moose. You kinda need a another dog to help you get over the loss of a dog.. but not a new one, one who already *gets* you (so no, we don't want another one right now). *sigh*

Bye Bye Becky

Rebecca (Becky) Woodruff
April 25, 1995 - July 9, 2008

What can we say about Becky, Becky, Pain-in-the-necky? She was the biggest love sponge, the most food-motivated, and most mischevious dog I've ever owned. Moose was quirky.. Becky was rotten, but in such a sweet, I'll never stop being a puppy kind of way that you couldn't help but love her to pieces.
The first night I had her, I'd planned to let her sleep in her crate, but she howled that tiny little beagle howl, and I gave in and took off the top. She continued to howl until I put her on the bed by my feet. I watched as that cute little bundle of fur crawled up my legs and tummy like a little sniper, and when she got to my chest, she pounced, landing square on my head! She chewed on my hair until she feel asleep on my head, that was that... she's been spoiled rotten ever since!
Today, she lost the fight, and we sent her on to Doggie Heaven. I can just picture Moose greeting her, saying, "hey, where've you been? I've been looking for someone to play with!", and off they go, chasing rabbits and treats. So that's two very dear, dear friends, who might as well have been our children, to whom we've said goodbye... and I can't remember the last time I cried this much.
Everywhere I look in the house there are reminders. When we lost Moose, we still had a dog in the house so it wasn't as wierd to see doggy stuff, but now I know that there's no one to use it. The biscuit jar with their names on it still sits, half-full, on the counter. The dog bowl has her last unfinished bowl of food. Her bed sits in our bedroom.. I'm not sure when I'm going to be able to bring myself to move it. For the last day and a half, when I've finished a meal, I'm wierded out by not having someone begging for it... who's going to lick the plate when I finish? When I walk in the door, there's no one to desperately greet me. All of the little things that I thought drove my crazy, I miss desperately and would give so much to have back.
My little dog, a heartbeat at my feet.. no more.

photo by James, who very much loved his Becka

Making Poup

Let me start this off by sharing that I have been suffering from food poisoning for the last two days. The last time I was this miserable was back in '05 when we all had the stomach flu. So Tuesday night was when it hit, I was pretty miserable all night and most of Wednesday, and yesterday, thankfully, the queasies had gone away and I was just left with something akin to an all-day migraine. It's a good thing the queasies had moved on, or I doubt I could have dealt with what came next...

So I'm in our bedroom, talking on the phone to my mom while James is down the hall in his bathroom, taking care of business. I'm waiting for the "I'm done", which is my cue to come assist with clean-up. Well, I don't hear "I'm done", but I do hear splashing... which does not bode well. I call out "what are you doing?". "Nothing". Oh boy, we all know how THAT goes. I said, "What was that noise?" "Me". "What are you DOING to MAKE that noise?". Mind you, I am so whipped at this point that I can barely dredge up the energy to go check, but now I'm nervous. I walk down the hall, and immediately tell Mom, "I need to go". Here's the fresh hell that greeted me in the bathroom...

James is standing there with his pants around his ankles. He's holding a bottle of near-empty bubbles in fist slathered in POOP. The rest of the bubble mix is covering half of the bathroom floor, and the toilet.. the TOILET, is just brown water... it's like poop soup, or as Sterling so wittily put it (when he laughed his ass off during the recap hours later, "Poup"). For a moment I had no words, then I gagged, then I stepped back and pulled myself together as best as I could under the circumstances.
I try so hard to never tell my son that he's done something stupid, or that he's a bad person, or anything mean like that. But I lost it, and asked "what were you THINKING??? WHY would you DO THAT? That is HORRIBLE! Oh my GOD what a MESS!", and he replies "we don't say 'Oh, my God". Not the time to correct Mommy. "James Sterling Woodruff, your mommy says whatever the heck she wants when you are covered in poop and have made this big of a MESS!"

At this point, I have to step back into the hall because the sight of the toilet is making me gag again. I reach in with one arm and push him to the sink where I make him wash his hands thoroughly. Then he gets stripped down, and is pushed out in the hallway naked. At this point, I can reach in without looking to flush, and start to wipe up the mess. Have you ever tried to clean up a bottle of bubble mix from a bathroom floor using toilet paper? It's a real joy.

So, it was straight into the tub, and an early night to bed for a very naughty boy, who actually had the nerve after all that to ask if he could watch SpongeBob before bed. Not frickin' likely!

Side note, the toilet was totally gross because he got poop on his hands, and then tried to rinse it off IN the toilet where he'd just pooped.. brilliant.

Everyday is a vacation

Sheesh, it's been over a month and I've neglected to post any pics of our spa-worthy new master bath! It took TWO MONTHS, but I stripped the old wallpaper (it was fab!), put up a ventian plaster finish (mind you, there's a vaulted ceiling!), installed new fixtures (my man did install the lights), put in new blinds, and REGROUTED the tile!!!! Shoutout to Titi Mari! YOU know what I'm talking about.. what a PAIN!
.. and it didn't take.. we have someone coming over soon to REgrout. Anyhoo, it still looks great, and here's the finished product.


Sterling said, "wow, I keep thinking we're in someone else's bathroom, like we're on vacation somewhere".... awww.. makes it all worthwhile! AND, the grout sliding out of the cracks is like having a built-in exfoliating scrub dispenser.. silver lining!

Fill in the blanks

Grrrr... my little man drives me bananas sometimes. He is going through that whole "let's see how far I can push it" phase. His latest rebellion is that he doesn't want to wash his hands after he goes potty (ick, can you stand it!!???). Now, that is not something I am willing to negotiate, and lord knows why this is the topic he's chosen to make a stand on, but whatever. So yesterday, I ask him to wash his hands, he refuses, I threaten removal of something from his room that he likes, get frustrated, and say VERY sternly (some might call it yelling, I prefer to call it "speaking with authority"), "James Sterling Woodruff, WASH YOUR......" and at this point, I want to say "stupid hands" or "friggin' hands" or something that gets my point across, but we try very hard not to say things like that, because we don't want to hear it repeated by his teacher when she tells us what he said that day at school.
... So I'm struggling with what to say when James fills it in for me... "wash my dadgum hands?" he says helpfully. "Yes, James, wash your dadgum hands". That was about the point where I just had to walk out laughing.

Wet, wild weekend at the lake

THANK YOU to Scott's sister, Lisa and her beau John for giving us a faboo weekend at the lake! We spent last Saturday up at Lake Gaston, and spent the night with Uncle Scott and the Moores. James, Emily, and Aiden had soooo much fun! They played in the water, Uncle Shawn took them for rides on the jet ski, and we went out on the party barge a few times. The funniest of all was Sunday afternoon, when Shawn and Scott forgot their age long enough to ride the tube behind the barge, and gave us all a very big laugh! There are a TON of photos posted to the collection, and here are some funny videos for you to enjoy! Be sure to pause as you go through them... the expressions on their faces are priceless!
Here's the first day out on the p.b.

... and here are the fools on their tubes...

The power of imagination

James is a creative little bugger. He can entertain himself for hours, carrying on conversations with his toys, turning pillows into forts, rockets, and race cars, he's just amazing. We were hanging out on the bed, watching "How it's Made", when a commercial came on, requiring extensive movement (he can barely sit still during a show, let alone a crummy commercial!). So, he turned one of my pillows into a lemonade (or as he says it, "Lemodade") stand. Here's how the conversation went:
J: You want some lemodade, Mommy?
M: I would love some, thank you
J: It doesn't have ice
M: would you please put some ice in mine?
J: Sure!
M: Thanks! Is there sugar in it?
J: No, you want some sugar?
M: Yes, pls (James "puts sugar in my lemodade")
J: You like it?
M: It's delicious! What's your secret? What's in your lemonade?
J: It's a secret greedant.
M: Oh? What IS your secret ingredient?
J: Mmm... lemon.. and sugar... and ice.. and yellow... and honey... and... lip stuff
M: Mmmm... is it Burt's Bees? That must be why it's so tasty.. world's best lip balm!
J: Yes!

Slackin' yet again!

Yes, it's been eons since I updated the blog, I'm sorry! Between redoing our master bathroom (2 mths of weekend work, mind you!) and migrating from our old PC to the new one, it's kinda slipped away from me. Plus there's all that summer jazz that eats up every free slice of time you have. What's a girl to do?

So first off, news bite: Sterling has a new car. The gas crunch has finally hit home for us, and he bought a car PURELY for its fuel efficiency... and the fact that it's smokin' fast and a convertible (that is ALSO good on gas!!!). He bought a Miata Speed (ask him about it, I don't know / care about the whole "it's a limited edition supah-fast sumpin'er'other"). Anyhoo, we told James that Daddy was getting a Miata, and he replied, "A Boomiata?" Hehhehe... so that's what we call it! Sterling looks like he's driving one of James' toys around town, but it fits James quite nicely, and he REALLY enjoys the convertible.

That's all for now, I'll post some pics later, by my typin' muscles are cramping up from lack of use.

A few more pics

Just a quick byte to you know that there are some pics in the photo album of James and Samantha, and of the finished Kids' Room at my Mom and Dad's house. Ta ta!

It does exist!

It appears, in spite of critics' observations, that it IS possible to capture both James AND Samantha on film, at the same time, with both of them smiling nicely. Past efforts have been severely hampered by the subjects' tendencies to smile psychotically, stick out tongues, roll around like chimps, or open their mouths wide enough to put passers-by in danger of falling in. On the off-chance that both subjects were captured smiling, the results were still diminished by either a lack of clothing on the part of one or both subjects, or a serious lack of any fashion sense.
At last, we have overcome those obstacles... I give you here, for the first time since either set foot outside the womb...
JAMES AND SAMANTHA IN A NICE PICTURE TOGETHER!!!! (actually, 2! only took a dozen shots to get 'em, too!)


This last one is an example of what it took to get the good pics. There's actually another one with both of their captain's quarters facing the camera, but since little miss is wearing a dress, I didn't think that would be appropriate to post! .. and yes, that bow in her hair IS a bit much with the polka dots, but she wasn't interested in the plain white one I'd selected... at least the color matches, and you can see that cute little face!

Buy me some peanuts and crackerjacks, and a hot dog, and ice cream...

Last night we were lucky enough to take in a Durham Bulls game! James was so excited he was ready to explode! He wore his little Bulls cap, brought his little glove, and was ready to catch some balls! If you haven't been, the Bulls are just awesome! The park is beautiful, it's never too crowded, and it's just so family-friendly. Even the players chat with the fans during the game, give kids balls and gum, it's just so much fun, I don't know why we don't go more often. It might have something to do with the $6 beers and $3 hotdogs... but who knows!
During one of the innings, we went down to the souvenier shop to meet Wool E. Bull, the mascot (or as James refers to him, "That Moose Thing"). There was no line, and he was just sitting in a chair in the store for kids to go meet or get their pics taken with.. he even signs autographs! Well, James pretty nearly pooped himself he was so scared! He REFUSED to go within 10 feet of him. Wool E., trying to be funny, actually started to crawl under the clothing rack to the other side where we were standing to surprise James and/or make him laugh... you can imagine how that went over! (as Shawn would say, that went over like a fart in church!). So, no Wool E. Bull pics this year.
It was a great night, though, and when James had enough, he told us he was ready to go and that was that.

Happy Mother's Day!

What a nice Mother's Day we had! James crawled into bed for his morning snuggle, and after a relatively wiggleless one, announced that he was going back to his bed (might have had something to do with the fact that Newkie also joined the dogpile, pardon the pun). Sterling said, "James, come here for a sec", so little James bee bopped around the bed to Daddy's side, where Daddy whispered something to him. He then beebopped around the bed to my side, where he held up his arms for a biiiig hug and kiss! Then he whispered "Wake up". Sterling said, "James! That's not what I told you to tell her, come back here!", so James bopped around the bed again to Daddy's side where there was more whispering, followed by little pitterpatters back around to my side of the bed. More arms, more hugs and kisses, and a big "Happy Mother's Day!", followed by, "now wake up!".

Also, we took family pics about a week ago. I waited to post them because we actually sent some to our moms for mother's day.. here they are!

"Obnoxious", a synonym for "4-yr old"

My very good friend Jamye told me once that it wasn't the Terrible Twos that would getcha, it was the F-in' Fours. Wow. Truer words were never spoken. I believe my son has gone out and lost his mind in the last few months. I don't know if he's just better able to communicate and having fun with his newfound vocabulary, or if he's pushing the limits, or is just friggin' obnoxious... hard to say. I vote for the latter. Case in point, this is what I used to take pictures of...
Now they all come out like this.....

Occasionally, we still do get smiles, but they have a tendency to be a bit overdone, resulting in pictures that look somewhat psychotic. Years from now, after many many therapy sessions, someone will find these and say, "oh yeah, they so shouldn't known back then..."

Girl, DAMN!

You ever have one of those days where you get up, and you think, "sure, I can skip washing my hair today!". Yeah... then you catch a glimpse in the mirror and you're too embarassed to go outside and walk to dog? Winter hair <> Spring/Summer hair. Methinks the oil content is a *smidge* higher this time of year...

...gotta go wash this mess now...

Boomdiada

So this is my hands-down favorite commercial right now. How can you possibly beat catchy music and the Discovery channel?
http://youtube.com/watch?v=V5BxymuiAxQ
This came on last night while James and I were watching TV, and he, too, was absolutely transfixed throughout the whole ad. Then we both hummed it all night! It's so darned catchy!

Somedays, it doesn't pay to get out of bed

... not that it matters, because staying in bed was NOT an option this morning. I have to admit that in hindsight, I'm a bit embarassed by my outburst, but DAMN! James crawled his little bottom into our bed at about 5:30 this morning. Then he groused about the ceiling fan, at which point he was told in no uncertain terms that he was welcome to leave if he didn't like it. He settled down, and he's very sweet and snuggly, he truly is... but he never. holds. still. ever.
So for about the next hour, I'd just start to drift back off, and James would move. Or his hand would brush my face. Or he'd pluck at my waistband with his toes... stupid crap like that! You know how it feels when aaahh.. you start to drift off and you're half-asleep and you keep getting woken up? It's like a sleep hangover.. you're tired and wound down but can't do anything about it!
Finally after about an hour, I threw back the covers and said, "THAT'S IT!!" and stormed off to HIS bed (he takes mine, I'll friggin' take his!). HE said, "Mommy, what?", and I said "stay there, I'm tired of this, stay in my bed!", and this set him off BIG TIME. He sat up in bed next to Sterling and just wailed! I laid in James' bed for about 2 mins before I realized that this was just not going to happen, so I got back up, stormed into my room, and told him that he was done. No more crying. I'm still not sure why it worked, but it did, we all got up, and that was (mostly) the end of that. Son of a ...
What a wonderful way to start the day!

Just in case you haven't already read....

So Elizabeth (James' Auntie E) has started her own blog, the Gellin' McMellons, which I read quite regularly. She's quite the blogger, and there's a new entry like every other day! Granted, little Virginia Grace isn't yet mobile, so Blogging Moms of Mobile Munckins, don't let this get you down too much.. you remember was it was like to still have a few free moments here and there! Wow, in fact, not to get off on too much of a tangent, but looking back.. MAN! I *thought* I was busy then, but that was just the tip o' the iceberg. Criminey!

Anyhoo... she posted an especially funny entry this past week re: James...
http://thegellinmcmellons.blogspot.com/2008/04/never-dull-moment-with-james-woodruff.html

Everyone's a critic

Whew! I'm back home after a LOOOONG few days of travel (more on that later). Happy to see my men, especially the little one who's been breaking my heart with his little "I miss you"s over the last 2 days! Of course he wanted mommy to lay down with him at bedtime, and the stall tactics were even worse than normal, since he's been in withdrawal. He asked for a story, and I finally said,"ok, I'll sing you a song, but that's it". He requested "Girl", which is hard enough to sing along with when it's playing, let alone a capella! So, I warbled my way through as much of the lyrics as I could recall, dum-dah-dumming the rest. Sterling walked in, looked at James and asked in disbelief, "you ASKED for that!??!". We all cracked up, and when I could catch a breath, I asked James, "was that bad?", to which he replied, "no, GOOD!". Love is not only blind, it's apparently deaf, too.

Don't go breakin' my heart...

Man! Kids are just masters of manipulation! I told James I had to go to Minnesota tomorrow, and he looked up at me with the biggest hangdog expression and said in this sad little voice, "I'm going to miss you so much.", and then threw himself at me with a big hug! He honestly sounded like he was going to cry, it was so pitiful!
He was also very sleepy tonight, and downright crabby as bedtime neared... we had a meltdown. So, I read him a silly book, and snuggled for a few mins with him. I asked him, "would you like me to bring you something from Minnesota?", and he said, "yes, I'd like some special candy!", and I said, "oh really? what kind of special candy?", and he said, "the kinds that's spinny.. it's spins and it goes around and around... you can get it at Target!". Well, how helpful of him to let me know where I can pick this up for him! He said, "I'm going to dream about spinny candy".

I'm actually quite sad about having to go. Normally, I try to fit in my business trips during the early part of the week when Sterling's off anyway, and I really try to limit the away-from-home time when possible, but doggone if the only flights I could get where in the morning! So I'm heading out tomorrow, staying over for an all-day meeting with my team on Thurs (which I'm actually quite excited about!), and then ANOTHER night in Minnie because I couldn't get a flight out that evening! Good thing, though, I'll have time to find a Target!

The dickens you say?

Just popped downstairs to get a drink, and James and Dadoo were making themselves some lunch. Daddy informed me that James could not have any of the chips that were on the counter. I said, "oh no?", and James said, "no, they make me fall down". I said, "What? They make you fall down?", and he replied with a sigh "yeah.".
????

Buggy Birthday!

Hooray! James is the big 4! What a great / insane day we had! Of course, we were out of town for most of the week, and then I had to work like crazy to get caught up, so there was little or no prep time left! I cranked about about 2 dozen or so mini bug cakes (which were awesome, thank you!), finished up the goody bags, and cleaned like a fiend! Daddy helped with that part. James got in the way and asked when he could eat the cake. LOL
We'd been watching the weather with a wary eye (say that fast) all week, and it was supposed to be rainy and cold. I'd actually made an emergency trip to Michael's to stock up on craft stuff in case we were all stuck inside. But LO! the clouds parted, the sun came out, and we blew up the Bouncey Castle (with slide!). Not sure who had more fun, but I think their initials are Sterling Woodruff and Jim McMellon.
We had a wonderful time, the kids were great, we got to spend some fun times with our friends, and the weather hung in just long enough. You don't get much luckier than that! Pics in the photo gallery, well worth the look!
Also, here's a video of James opening his "ditar"

Who says you can't go home?

Because when my family does, it's like they never left. What a week! Several days of serious highs and lows while we remembered funny family stories and grieved for the loss of my Grammy. In spite of the fact that it's been years since the entire family has been together, of course my mom and her siblings revert to being something like 12 yrs old again.. pinching, poking, teasing, and the like. Buncha silly Polocks is what they are.
Anyhoo, it was exhausting and sad, but so nice to see my family again, albeit under less-than-ideal circumstances. Posted some pics to the photo album so you can see for yourself, and understand more about why I am the way that I am ;-)

We'll miss you, Grammy

Well, yesterday I found out that my Grammy Pyne (my mom's mom) passed away. She was the Grammy who kept a whole fridge full of ice cream, cakes and snacks down in the basement for when we visited every summer. The pool was always clean, there were always toys and stuff for us to play with, and she spoiled us rotten (in between yelling at us for doing stupid stuff!). She didn't throw out much, and all of her kids stashed their stuff in her basement, so that my cousin Mike and I always had the best hide and seek down there when we were little. I remember so many wonderful summers spent at her house. It's already sad that we can't recapture those kinds of summers, but sadder still that the lady who made them possible is no longer with us. She was a spunky (and sometimes overly candid!) lady who loved us so much, and we're all going to miss her alot. Here's a kiss for you, Grammy! Give Poppa a hug for us.

And when he was bad, he was VERY VERY BAD

It wasn't his first temper tantrum, but it got my goat in a way that none prior to this have gotten. Mommy's little nuclear reactor was dying to go outside all weekend. And ya know, I don't mind that, I really don't, but I had a ton of stuff to get done inside, and it was that kind of weather where it wasn't really bad, but wasn't really nice and quite frankly, just wasn't offering me the kind of outdoor experience I was interested in (ie: I didn't feel like it). We popped out a few times, and then eventually I said it was time to go in, and grab something to eat.
James didn't want to. And he let me know that. And when I stepped out to the garage to grab something from the fridge out there, he SLAMMED the door shut, and that was followed by "click".
The little stinker locked me out. On purpose!
I tried my stern voice, but seriously.. did I really have alot of leverage at that point? No, I did not. And when I told him, "James. Sterling. Woodruff. You open this door right now", the response was "I don't want to". What a cheeky little.... So I sweet-talked my way in with a ,"oh, may I come in please?" That did it. And once I was in, I did not continue to sweet-talk.
We had a time-out, and a pretty firm talking-to, all following a complete melt-down when I informed him of the time-out. I don't think he'll be doing it again anytime soon, but then, I didn't really think he'd do it in the first place.

My little "helper"

It's easy to see how helpful James is when we're backing. Those spatulas don't lick themselves clean, ya know!

Better late than never

Ok, so these pics are like a month old.. it's been a busy month! But I thought about funny they are, and wanted to share.

The first is just funny, and I laugh every time I look at it! The rest are in one of our photo albums, and it's a series of pics of James dancing! Man, does he have a good time!

Flattery will get you everywhere..

Who knew that this was a lesson learned at such a tender age? James stood on his cooking chair this weekend while I doctored up some oatmeal for him. We added butter, at which point he naturally asked, "may I have a little butter, please?" (he loves to eat butter!). Then we broke out the brown sugar, and he asked, "may I have some of that? ... please? ... pretty please? You have pretty eyes.". Yes, the boy laid down some heartfelt please, followed by FLATTERY! Of course he got some sugar.
Man, the ladies of the world are in trouble when this boy grows up.

Let it snow! (unless you live in the Triangle...)

Once again, the magic snow-repellant force field has deflected another snow event around the triangle. People to the south east and north west got some.. we got Hoovnah (that's Polish for nothing). Well, ok, to be fair, we got a dusting, and it was cold enough that it actually stuck around for more than a day. For James, of course, this is more than he can remember seeing in his brief years, so he thought it was the coolest thing ever! To quote him, "holy smokes!". Here's a pic or two of our little Nanook of the Not-so-North.

Clean out your ears!

It's nearing bedtime so we've gone through the daily evening ritual of wrastling a boy into his jammies. While stripped down to his skivvies, James typically gets kinda silly. I don't know if he just sheds his inhibitions along with his clothes or what, but that's punchy time. So while nearly nekkid, he tells me, "mommy, roll over, I want to push your back", which is what he thinks is like a massage.
Once while he was crawling on me, he popped my back and I said "oh, that feels good", so he thinks he's doing something nice by "pushing my back" (typically the reason I actually NEED someone professional to push my back!).
Sooo, he's being silly, crawling on me, and then he hitches up my shirt in the back for what I presume will be a zrbrt (raspberry), when it's more like a really yucky zrbrt. He then pulls my shirt back down and glues it to my back with whatever drool he left behind. I said, "ew, what did you just do, stick my shirt to my back with your slobber? To which he replied, "no, boogies". BOOGIES!!! HE BLEW HIS NOSE ON MY BACK!
I jump up and say, "oh my GOSH, that is so GROSS!!! How'd you like me to blow my nose in your ear?!?!", to which HE replies gleefully, "DO IT!!!". So now I kinda have to laugh.. so I blow air in his ear with my nose, which cracks him up, and he chases me around begging me to blow more boogies in his ear. Seriously. Do mommies with girls deal with this? Maybe this is the trade-off for NOT having to deal with Polly Pockets and Bratz?

Gak!

Gak is this gross stuff you can make with household products, which provides your child with hours of entertainment.. as shown in this video:

Visit with the Davises

John, GC, and little Moyer popped into Raleigh for a visit, and we just had such a nice time! Moyer and James REALLY hit it off! After lunch, James asked if Moyer could come back to his house.. aww! Apparently, Moyer had a good time, too, and John and GC are using this to their advantage ("you know, big boys like James do "), and I can't say that I blame them! To be sure we've done the same!
They also brought along a nice gift for James... Crayola stuff that only works on Crayola paper, which we love! ... the boys apparently liked it, too...