A wee bit of over-reacting

James obtained yet another splinter (why the hell won't he just put on his damned sandals?!?!),and as usual, FREAKED THE F OUT over the idea of someone messing with it. We have tried everything to get him to calm down...

• "Let me tickle it out", which involves tickling, and every few tickles trying to pry it out with a needle or tweezers... freak out.
• We've tried to double-team, where one of us pins him down while the other tries to get it out.. you would be surprised at how strong 35 pounds of 4yr old can be when determined.
• the Sneak Attack... get him watching TV and try to snag it when it's not paying attention.

None of these work, especially since he normally gets 'em in that middle part of the foot that basically disappears when you curl up your toes.
Well, today he got one on the bottom of his big toe. I found this out when I heard the bloodcurdling screams coming from the living room. I calmed him down, blew his nose, and while he was talking to me, Sterling actually successfully executed the sneak attach, and pinched it out! James, not missing a beat, stopped his sobbing cold and asked "was that it? that little thing?", like it was NO BIG DEAL. Ain't no thang.

With age comes acquired tastes

As many strange things that James likes*, salad is not among them. This weekend we snagged a couple of those little KFC snackers on the way to my mom's, and James noted that there was "salad" on his (really just shredded lettuce, and not even that much). He said, "ew, Mommy, there's salad on here!". I told him it's not alot, and it's actually very good. He said, "what's your number, Mommy?". I asked if he was trying to ask how old I am, he concurred, and I told him. He then informed me, "once I'm 29**, I'll like salad". Very well.

*most 4-yr olds do not like olives, blue cheese, salami, and a whole host of other things that James likes!
** actual age was not available at the time this entry was published.

A note to my son, in the future....

James, James, James. The day will come when you will ask your Mommy and Daddy (or Mom and Dad, as we'll be known then) why there is no money for college. .. and we will submit this for your consideration....
Shocking, you say? What could a sweet little boy have to do with a hole in the ceiling? And what FIEND has framed me by coloring in my own room???

Sooooo... your college fund is going towards repairing the ceiling (no, it's not possible to flush an entire roll of toilet paper down the toilet) and repainting your room.. and the hallway, which was just painted LESS THAN A MONTH AGO!

Happy job hunting!

Best Of....

So I was perusing the old entries in the blog while uploading some recent photos (which I inadvertantly deleted, AFTER editing the descriptions of all them.. thanks for the new frickin' interface, Shutterfly!!!), when I realized a) I am a gifted storyteller, and b) more importantly, there's alot of material that comes with motherhood. I actually laughed myself to tears reading some of the old stuff. Here were some of my favs, and a good chance for you to catch up if you're new to our blog!
October, 2005, "Someday My Prince Will Come"
February, 2006, "What Not To Wear", and "Ain't Gonna Sing No Mo"'
August, 2006 (pretty much the whole month)
February, 2007, "Tiny Bubbles in My Tub"
May, 2007, "Looong Weekend"

Of course, there's tons more, but this is, I feel, a good representation of what we have to offer here at Woodruff Web. Ta ta!

What's the difference?

How do you explain some of the finer differences between boys and girls to a 4 year-old? I love that James appreciates pretty things...he pays people compliments all the time, and I'm ever mindful that I'm not just raising a little person, but that everything we do influences the way he will treat the girls he'll date, and the woman he might someday marry. So I want him to appreciate when ladies look nice, and nice manners, and that girls do special things to try to look pretty. But it's tough to get him to appreciate it without wanting to emulate it.
James "painted" his toenails today during what was supposed to be naptime at school (say a prayer for his teachers.. he seems to be doing without that more and more!). When the teacher's head was turned, James scootched over to the markers and beautified his little piggies. Granted, he chose very manly shades of green and brown, but still.
He was very proud of his feet, which he referred to as "beautiful". I tried to sit down and explain that girls and boys are different, but I'm trying to tread that very fine line between social morees and downright sexism. I guess we can fine-tune as we go. For now, we've settled on: boys can pee standing up, they like hotwheels, and they don't paint their nails. Girls wear dresses, they like princesses and they DO paint their nails. I'm trying to stay away from who has long hair because he's already referred to some Hanson-esque kid in Target as "she"... *sigh*.. it's so hard!
So, I tried to wrap it up, but he has the patience of a gnat, and scampered back to his room before I could close my arguments. When I asked him to come back, he told me, "I'm busy mommy... boys like to play Hotwheels!"
Here's a pic of his artwork (damn it, now I've got "mmmm, Bop" stuck in my head)

Puss in Boots

... that's what we're calling Newkie, aka Mr. Whiskers, because he appears to be wearing boots. "Why's this?", you ask? Well, Mr. Whiskers was the unwilling recipient of what the vet calls "the Lion's Trim".. which means that they shaved our damn cat. No idea how or what happened, but Naked Newkie has fur on his head, tail, legs.. and that's it. He actually slept with us under the covers last night.. I think he was chilly!

Admit it, 99% of you are laughing because you hate our cat anyway.

Kind words warm the heart

I just wanted to take a moment to say Thank You to everyone who's extended their condolences in the last few days. It's been a very rough few days, as everywhere we look in the house, we see something that reminds us of Becky, and it still doesn't quite seem real. Every time I walk in a room, I expect to see her head pop up and her tail to start wagging, and she's just not there. Last night I could hear frogs outside and through the windows they sounded just like a dog snoring! I really miss her alot, and frankly (I know you'll find this surprising), that darling old cat is just not the same comfort to me that Becky was when we lost Moose. You kinda need a another dog to help you get over the loss of a dog.. but not a new one, one who already *gets* you (so no, we don't want another one right now). *sigh*

Bye Bye Becky

Rebecca (Becky) Woodruff
April 25, 1995 - July 9, 2008

What can we say about Becky, Becky, Pain-in-the-necky? She was the biggest love sponge, the most food-motivated, and most mischevious dog I've ever owned. Moose was quirky.. Becky was rotten, but in such a sweet, I'll never stop being a puppy kind of way that you couldn't help but love her to pieces.
The first night I had her, I'd planned to let her sleep in her crate, but she howled that tiny little beagle howl, and I gave in and took off the top. She continued to howl until I put her on the bed by my feet. I watched as that cute little bundle of fur crawled up my legs and tummy like a little sniper, and when she got to my chest, she pounced, landing square on my head! She chewed on my hair until she feel asleep on my head, that was that... she's been spoiled rotten ever since!
Today, she lost the fight, and we sent her on to Doggie Heaven. I can just picture Moose greeting her, saying, "hey, where've you been? I've been looking for someone to play with!", and off they go, chasing rabbits and treats. So that's two very dear, dear friends, who might as well have been our children, to whom we've said goodbye... and I can't remember the last time I cried this much.
Everywhere I look in the house there are reminders. When we lost Moose, we still had a dog in the house so it wasn't as wierd to see doggy stuff, but now I know that there's no one to use it. The biscuit jar with their names on it still sits, half-full, on the counter. The dog bowl has her last unfinished bowl of food. Her bed sits in our bedroom.. I'm not sure when I'm going to be able to bring myself to move it. For the last day and a half, when I've finished a meal, I'm wierded out by not having someone begging for it... who's going to lick the plate when I finish? When I walk in the door, there's no one to desperately greet me. All of the little things that I thought drove my crazy, I miss desperately and would give so much to have back.
My little dog, a heartbeat at my feet.. no more.

photo by James, who very much loved his Becka

Making Poup

Let me start this off by sharing that I have been suffering from food poisoning for the last two days. The last time I was this miserable was back in '05 when we all had the stomach flu. So Tuesday night was when it hit, I was pretty miserable all night and most of Wednesday, and yesterday, thankfully, the queasies had gone away and I was just left with something akin to an all-day migraine. It's a good thing the queasies had moved on, or I doubt I could have dealt with what came next...

So I'm in our bedroom, talking on the phone to my mom while James is down the hall in his bathroom, taking care of business. I'm waiting for the "I'm done", which is my cue to come assist with clean-up. Well, I don't hear "I'm done", but I do hear splashing... which does not bode well. I call out "what are you doing?". "Nothing". Oh boy, we all know how THAT goes. I said, "What was that noise?" "Me". "What are you DOING to MAKE that noise?". Mind you, I am so whipped at this point that I can barely dredge up the energy to go check, but now I'm nervous. I walk down the hall, and immediately tell Mom, "I need to go". Here's the fresh hell that greeted me in the bathroom...

James is standing there with his pants around his ankles. He's holding a bottle of near-empty bubbles in fist slathered in POOP. The rest of the bubble mix is covering half of the bathroom floor, and the toilet.. the TOILET, is just brown water... it's like poop soup, or as Sterling so wittily put it (when he laughed his ass off during the recap hours later, "Poup"). For a moment I had no words, then I gagged, then I stepped back and pulled myself together as best as I could under the circumstances.
I try so hard to never tell my son that he's done something stupid, or that he's a bad person, or anything mean like that. But I lost it, and asked "what were you THINKING??? WHY would you DO THAT? That is HORRIBLE! Oh my GOD what a MESS!", and he replies "we don't say 'Oh, my God". Not the time to correct Mommy. "James Sterling Woodruff, your mommy says whatever the heck she wants when you are covered in poop and have made this big of a MESS!"

At this point, I have to step back into the hall because the sight of the toilet is making me gag again. I reach in with one arm and push him to the sink where I make him wash his hands thoroughly. Then he gets stripped down, and is pushed out in the hallway naked. At this point, I can reach in without looking to flush, and start to wipe up the mess. Have you ever tried to clean up a bottle of bubble mix from a bathroom floor using toilet paper? It's a real joy.

So, it was straight into the tub, and an early night to bed for a very naughty boy, who actually had the nerve after all that to ask if he could watch SpongeBob before bed. Not frickin' likely!

Side note, the toilet was totally gross because he got poop on his hands, and then tried to rinse it off IN the toilet where he'd just pooped.. brilliant.

Everyday is a vacation

Sheesh, it's been over a month and I've neglected to post any pics of our spa-worthy new master bath! It took TWO MONTHS, but I stripped the old wallpaper (it was fab!), put up a ventian plaster finish (mind you, there's a vaulted ceiling!), installed new fixtures (my man did install the lights), put in new blinds, and REGROUTED the tile!!!! Shoutout to Titi Mari! YOU know what I'm talking about.. what a PAIN!
.. and it didn't take.. we have someone coming over soon to REgrout. Anyhoo, it still looks great, and here's the finished product.


Sterling said, "wow, I keep thinking we're in someone else's bathroom, like we're on vacation somewhere".... awww.. makes it all worthwhile! AND, the grout sliding out of the cracks is like having a built-in exfoliating scrub dispenser.. silver lining!

Fill in the blanks

Grrrr... my little man drives me bananas sometimes. He is going through that whole "let's see how far I can push it" phase. His latest rebellion is that he doesn't want to wash his hands after he goes potty (ick, can you stand it!!???). Now, that is not something I am willing to negotiate, and lord knows why this is the topic he's chosen to make a stand on, but whatever. So yesterday, I ask him to wash his hands, he refuses, I threaten removal of something from his room that he likes, get frustrated, and say VERY sternly (some might call it yelling, I prefer to call it "speaking with authority"), "James Sterling Woodruff, WASH YOUR......" and at this point, I want to say "stupid hands" or "friggin' hands" or something that gets my point across, but we try very hard not to say things like that, because we don't want to hear it repeated by his teacher when she tells us what he said that day at school.
... So I'm struggling with what to say when James fills it in for me... "wash my dadgum hands?" he says helpfully. "Yes, James, wash your dadgum hands". That was about the point where I just had to walk out laughing.

Wet, wild weekend at the lake

THANK YOU to Scott's sister, Lisa and her beau John for giving us a faboo weekend at the lake! We spent last Saturday up at Lake Gaston, and spent the night with Uncle Scott and the Moores. James, Emily, and Aiden had soooo much fun! They played in the water, Uncle Shawn took them for rides on the jet ski, and we went out on the party barge a few times. The funniest of all was Sunday afternoon, when Shawn and Scott forgot their age long enough to ride the tube behind the barge, and gave us all a very big laugh! There are a TON of photos posted to the collection, and here are some funny videos for you to enjoy! Be sure to pause as you go through them... the expressions on their faces are priceless!
Here's the first day out on the p.b.

... and here are the fools on their tubes...

The power of imagination

James is a creative little bugger. He can entertain himself for hours, carrying on conversations with his toys, turning pillows into forts, rockets, and race cars, he's just amazing. We were hanging out on the bed, watching "How it's Made", when a commercial came on, requiring extensive movement (he can barely sit still during a show, let alone a crummy commercial!). So, he turned one of my pillows into a lemonade (or as he says it, "Lemodade") stand. Here's how the conversation went:
J: You want some lemodade, Mommy?
M: I would love some, thank you
J: It doesn't have ice
M: would you please put some ice in mine?
J: Sure!
M: Thanks! Is there sugar in it?
J: No, you want some sugar?
M: Yes, pls (James "puts sugar in my lemodade")
J: You like it?
M: It's delicious! What's your secret? What's in your lemonade?
J: It's a secret greedant.
M: Oh? What IS your secret ingredient?
J: Mmm... lemon.. and sugar... and ice.. and yellow... and honey... and... lip stuff
M: Mmmm... is it Burt's Bees? That must be why it's so tasty.. world's best lip balm!
J: Yes!

Slackin' yet again!

Yes, it's been eons since I updated the blog, I'm sorry! Between redoing our master bathroom (2 mths of weekend work, mind you!) and migrating from our old PC to the new one, it's kinda slipped away from me. Plus there's all that summer jazz that eats up every free slice of time you have. What's a girl to do?

So first off, news bite: Sterling has a new car. The gas crunch has finally hit home for us, and he bought a car PURELY for its fuel efficiency... and the fact that it's smokin' fast and a convertible (that is ALSO good on gas!!!). He bought a Miata Speed (ask him about it, I don't know / care about the whole "it's a limited edition supah-fast sumpin'er'other"). Anyhoo, we told James that Daddy was getting a Miata, and he replied, "A Boomiata?" Hehhehe... so that's what we call it! Sterling looks like he's driving one of James' toys around town, but it fits James quite nicely, and he REALLY enjoys the convertible.

That's all for now, I'll post some pics later, by my typin' muscles are cramping up from lack of use.

A few more pics

Just a quick byte to you know that there are some pics in the photo album of James and Samantha, and of the finished Kids' Room at my Mom and Dad's house. Ta ta!

It does exist!

It appears, in spite of critics' observations, that it IS possible to capture both James AND Samantha on film, at the same time, with both of them smiling nicely. Past efforts have been severely hampered by the subjects' tendencies to smile psychotically, stick out tongues, roll around like chimps, or open their mouths wide enough to put passers-by in danger of falling in. On the off-chance that both subjects were captured smiling, the results were still diminished by either a lack of clothing on the part of one or both subjects, or a serious lack of any fashion sense.
At last, we have overcome those obstacles... I give you here, for the first time since either set foot outside the womb...
JAMES AND SAMANTHA IN A NICE PICTURE TOGETHER!!!! (actually, 2! only took a dozen shots to get 'em, too!)


This last one is an example of what it took to get the good pics. There's actually another one with both of their captain's quarters facing the camera, but since little miss is wearing a dress, I didn't think that would be appropriate to post! .. and yes, that bow in her hair IS a bit much with the polka dots, but she wasn't interested in the plain white one I'd selected... at least the color matches, and you can see that cute little face!

Buy me some peanuts and crackerjacks, and a hot dog, and ice cream...

Last night we were lucky enough to take in a Durham Bulls game! James was so excited he was ready to explode! He wore his little Bulls cap, brought his little glove, and was ready to catch some balls! If you haven't been, the Bulls are just awesome! The park is beautiful, it's never too crowded, and it's just so family-friendly. Even the players chat with the fans during the game, give kids balls and gum, it's just so much fun, I don't know why we don't go more often. It might have something to do with the $6 beers and $3 hotdogs... but who knows!
During one of the innings, we went down to the souvenier shop to meet Wool E. Bull, the mascot (or as James refers to him, "That Moose Thing"). There was no line, and he was just sitting in a chair in the store for kids to go meet or get their pics taken with.. he even signs autographs! Well, James pretty nearly pooped himself he was so scared! He REFUSED to go within 10 feet of him. Wool E., trying to be funny, actually started to crawl under the clothing rack to the other side where we were standing to surprise James and/or make him laugh... you can imagine how that went over! (as Shawn would say, that went over like a fart in church!). So, no Wool E. Bull pics this year.
It was a great night, though, and when James had enough, he told us he was ready to go and that was that.

Happy Mother's Day!

What a nice Mother's Day we had! James crawled into bed for his morning snuggle, and after a relatively wiggleless one, announced that he was going back to his bed (might have had something to do with the fact that Newkie also joined the dogpile, pardon the pun). Sterling said, "James, come here for a sec", so little James bee bopped around the bed to Daddy's side, where Daddy whispered something to him. He then beebopped around the bed to my side, where he held up his arms for a biiiig hug and kiss! Then he whispered "Wake up". Sterling said, "James! That's not what I told you to tell her, come back here!", so James bopped around the bed again to Daddy's side where there was more whispering, followed by little pitterpatters back around to my side of the bed. More arms, more hugs and kisses, and a big "Happy Mother's Day!", followed by, "now wake up!".

Also, we took family pics about a week ago. I waited to post them because we actually sent some to our moms for mother's day.. here they are!

"Obnoxious", a synonym for "4-yr old"

My very good friend Jamye told me once that it wasn't the Terrible Twos that would getcha, it was the F-in' Fours. Wow. Truer words were never spoken. I believe my son has gone out and lost his mind in the last few months. I don't know if he's just better able to communicate and having fun with his newfound vocabulary, or if he's pushing the limits, or is just friggin' obnoxious... hard to say. I vote for the latter. Case in point, this is what I used to take pictures of...
Now they all come out like this.....

Occasionally, we still do get smiles, but they have a tendency to be a bit overdone, resulting in pictures that look somewhat psychotic. Years from now, after many many therapy sessions, someone will find these and say, "oh yeah, they so shouldn't known back then..."

Girl, DAMN!

You ever have one of those days where you get up, and you think, "sure, I can skip washing my hair today!". Yeah... then you catch a glimpse in the mirror and you're too embarassed to go outside and walk to dog? Winter hair <> Spring/Summer hair. Methinks the oil content is a *smidge* higher this time of year...

...gotta go wash this mess now...